Manchester City Opt For Jack Duckworth

Written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 30 April 2008

image for Manchester City Opt For Jack Duckworth
Jack doing another 'odd job'

Manchester City owner Thaksin Shinawatra has told fans that the days of the Sky Blues' team manager Sven Goran Erikkson are numbered at Maine Road, and that the man to replace him will be none other than down-at-heel Coronation Street layabout Jack Duckworth.

Duckworth, played by William Tarmey, is no stranger to controversy, having featured in 'the Street' since 1977, and has experienced various unmitigated disasters during that time - some of them nearly as big as the unmitigated disaster now being experienced by City fans.

City started the season well under Erikkson, but have fallen away lately, and Shinawatra believes an injection of local talent is what's needed for next season.

Duckworth, who has managed pigeons for as long as he can remember, is actually a lifelong fan of non-league side Weatherfield Wanderers, but is "always prepared to help anyone out in a moment of crisis", which Mr Shinawatra is.

Duckworth, who lost his wife Vera to 'death' earlier this year, has looked disaffected ever since, and friends say he needs a distraction to get his teeth into.

Queen of the Street, Julie Goodyear, played by Bet Lynch, said:

"'E's allus mopin' around doin' little odd jobs. City job'll suit 'im down t' ground."

When asked by reporters what he thought about Mr Shinawatra's offer, Duckworth looked a little confused as he propped up the bar in the Rovers' Return, and said:

"Appen theev moved from Maine Road, ant the?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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