Expensive new coach of the England football team, Fabio Capello, has stunned all in the football world by announcing that all members of the English squad will be required to learn Italian.
Speaking through an interpreter he said that given the FA were paying him so much money to coach football, it did not seem economically sensible to spend time learning English. On the other hand, he added, English footballers have lots of time on their hands this summer given their abject failure to qualify for the European championships.
David Beckham, who famously mastered Spanish in a week, said: "I think Fabio's decision is excellent. I am behind him one hundred percent". Beckham needs one more cap to reach the landmark of 100.
An FA spokesperson said: "Clearly, if all the players can speak Italian we will not need any English back room staff - and that can only be a good thing."