Keith Jackson's Phone Sex Tapes Hit Internet

Written by Dignan

Monday, 13 August 2007

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It may not have the visual sexuality of the Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee sex tape, but a collection of long-time college football broadcaster Keith Jackson's answering machine messages to his wife, Turi Ann, has been making the rounds on various web sites lately.

The messages, compiled onto a CD and apparently taken without permission from the beloved and avuncular Jackson's home by a guest, are rife with with the homespun (if highly sexual) imagery that has been Jackson's trademark for over fifty years and suggest Jackson's bedroom persona may not be all that different from the one he's shared with football fans.

An example: "As I gaze out across the Texas hill country, with the sunset boasting its colorful gamut from amber to indigo, and a possum-huntin' moon already high in the sky, I am forced to recognize a protuberance to the south of my own ample equator.

"This titan of trouser-town cries out for your recognition, my dimpled bride. It faces a third and long and only a head-first plunge into your musky swamp will satisfy the trembling, lusty-voiced, hundred thousand fan throng that is the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl of my libido."

No word on whether Jackson's ubiquitous phrase "Whoa, Nellie!" appears on the recording.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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