Global Financial Meltdown is Underway Says Ben Bernanke

Funny story written by Felix Minderbinder

Sunday, 12 August 2007

image for Global Financial Meltdown is Underway Says Ben Bernanke
The dollar is doomed says the Fed

WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - The global financial meltdown is underway says Ben Bernanke, head of the US Federal Reserve, in an exclusive interview with FMLiveWire.

"This is the Big Kahuna at last," the bureaucrat confided. "The Central Banks of the world have just made an unprecedented liquidity injection of over $300 billion, and it will go much higher in the coming weeks."

"This is not just because a few hedge funds have gone broke…it is a full blown meltdown of trillions of dollars of over-the-counter derivatives," he shuddered. "This injection of liquidity will destroy the US dollar and be inflationary beyond your wildest imagination. Many financial institutions are in big trouble and are doomed."

Central banks of the world have made a unified effort to contain the widening credit crisis, to keep money flowing and to try to prevent a credit market seizure that could imperil the global economy.

"Ben Bernanke must feel like the captain of the Titanic," said Sherry Cooper, chief economist at BMO Capital Markets in Toronto, referring to the Fed chairman. "He knows the ship has hit an iceberg but, through the dark and fog, can't see how bad the damage is."

The massive money injections were made by the US Federal Reserve, the European Central Bank, the Bank of Japan, the Bank of Canada, the Swiss National Bank, the Reserve Bank of Australia and many others working in tandem.

The money is being used among other things by national banks to purchase worthless collateralized debt obligations, derivatives, collateralized loan obligations, and mortgage-backed securities from the idiots who own them. The American sub-prime fraud and fiasco sparked this mess.

Thousands of hedge funds and investment banks are going down the drain.

"So hang onto your hats, folks!" shouted Bernanke as he ran for his stretch SUV. "The US dollar and US treasuries are gonna crash and hyperinflation is gonna take off a la Weimar! Bear Stearns, Merrill Lynch, Bank of America, Goldman Sachs and the other banksters are doomed! Gold and silver are gonna skyrocket in price. Better buy some and head for the hills! OMG, are the stock and bond markets ever gonna crash!!"

-Copyright Felix Minderbinder Live Wire

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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