Latest Social Network, Faux Cooze, Launches With Unprecedented Candor

Funny story written by Dignan

Monday, 13 August 2007

Gil Saperstein, a Brown University sophomore double majoring in international finance and art history, is rocking the online world with the launch of FauxCooze, a new social network that strips pretense from its member profiles and resulting interactions.

Saperstein, who built the network over the summer (rather than kowtow to his parent's high-pressure demands that he subject himself to a high-pressure internship at a prominent investment firm) is already courting offers from major players like Yahoo! and Google. Rupert Murdoch himself has been stalking the young e-trepreneur, both in person, and through consistent "pokes" from his own FauxCooze profile.

"FauxCooze takes online wanking to the most efficient level possible," explained Saperstien, who met us at a nondescript Connecticut diner for grilled Velveeta sandwiches and coffee. "Every pasty, pale-skinned misanthrope who dreams of interacting with beautiful, playfully aggressive, sexually uninhibited females finds a home on FauxCooze - because every member is simultaneously pretending to be a beautiful, playfully aggressive, sexually uninhibited female."

The wrinkle Saperstein invented was what he calls Fema-Profile Reconfiguration. When a male enters his information, that profile is preserved using those genuine credentials and information. Simultaneously, however, a duplicate profile is created by FauxCooze servers, except the information is revised based on idealized female characteristics.

"A Bill becomes a Billie, a Steven becomes Stephanie, Taylor becomes Tyler, etc." The transmogrification means that every member both participates and generates a receptive entity, so FauxCooze members are guaranteed to enjoy the delusion that they are interacting with a female in that flirtatious, alluring way - not so crass and immediate as a cyber-chat. Let's be blunt. Pornography is a hit-and-run solution for the socially inept. This gives them the sensation of engaging in actual relationships - then they can whack off."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more