South Bend, Indiana - Under increasing pressure from activists in the Irish community, the University of Notre Dame has decided to change its mascot.
Effective immediately following last week's meeting of the board of regents, the Fighting Irish are no more. Notre Dame's new mascot is the Bellicose Persons of Gaelic Ancestry.
Notre Dame joins a number of other institutions of higher education which have gotten rid of their offensive mascots, including Oklahoma State University, which recently dropped the stigmatizing moniker Cowboys for the more palatable Western Style Laborers, and the University of Southern California, which opted to morph from Trojans to Ancient Facilitators of National Defense.
Professional sports clubs are also getting the message. The New York Giants are now the New York Persons of Atypical Stature, while the Kansas City Chiefs now call themselves the Kansas City Tribal Administrators. Reports from Miami indicate that the Dolphins may soon become the Aquatic Mammals, while the New Orleans franchise is considering a change from the divisive and elitist Saints to more egalitarian and user-friendly Persons With Providential Favor.