TAMPA BAY, Florida - (Sports Satire) - There is lots and lots of happiness in the Tom Brady household tonight.
Tom Brady just learned from his good friend Zorro La Bamba, who is the senior writer for The Sports Bet Gazette, that the Tampa Bay Buccaneers have just signed an offensive tackle who stands 7-foot-2-inches tall and who weights 329 pounds (of solid muscle).
The player named Rocco Tellamoona, 24, is regarded as one of the biggest, tallest, and meanest football players to ever put on a football helmet and a huge crotch cup.
La Bamba wrote that Tellamoona, who is nicknamed "The Human Volcano" can bench press 713¼.
Rocco, whose wife Claudia is very petite standing only 5-foot-1, and weighing 104 pounds, reportedly eats 12 scrambled eggs for breakfast along with 8 slices of bacon, a whole cantaloupe, and a gallon of Almond milk (Rocco - not Claudia, she ONLY eats two grapes and a corn tortilla).
SIDENOTE: When Tom Brady heard that the Bucs had signed the much-sought-after offensive lineman, he reportedly hollered out, "YES!!! FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC!!!"