POLTAVA, Ukraine - - (Sports World) - Word coming from an independent Ukrainian news agency is reporting that Russian silver-medal winner in the recent Winter Olympics has defected to the Ukrainian side.
Ski jumper Vlady Vishavich, 39, who recently divorced his 17-yar-old wife, Yanta, enlisted in the Russian infantry, where he was a member of the 801st Moscowvian Elite Guard Infantry.
Several Olympic reporters confirmed that Vishavich is a close friend of President Putin, and the two once dated a Russian pole dancer and her Russian pole dancing mother (respectively).
Vishy, as his friends call him, and his platoon came under heavy fire from a Ukrainian artillery unit. The fighting got extremely intense with the 801st sustaining tremendous casualties.
Seeing that the situation was getting pretty damn fucked up. Corporal Vishavich and two other soldiers decided to defect. They hid in a street sewer system, and after the Ukrainian tanks left, they exited the sewer and headed for Poland.
President Putin upon hearing of the three Russian soldiers defecting commented that when the three defectors are caught, he will personally remove each one's wisdom teeth by way of their rectum.
