Mass Walkout During Paralympics Unlikely - Says Doctor

Funny story written by Dewani Unhatched

Wednesday, 2 March 2022

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Unlikely

A threatened walkout by Paralympians after Athletes from Russia and Belarus were allowed to compete as neutrals at the 2022 Winter Paralympics in Beijing following the invasion of Ukraine is highly unlikely claims a leading spinal surgeon.

The International Paralympic Committee (IPC) says the two countries "will compete under the Paralympic flag and not be included in the medal table".

The opening ceremony is on Friday, with the competition starting on Saturday.

A boycott and walkout had been feared but those fears were allayed after respected surgeon Dr. Felix Loudblaster said that 60% of the athletes involved have no feeling in their legs and that a walkout was simply impossible.

"Quite simply they can not walk. And never will. There could be a roll-out; depending on the availability of ramps and chair lifts. But the logistics of this are unfathomable."

It is feared the biggest threat to this year's Winter Paralympics will be the allocation of non-disabled parking spaces.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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