Written by Michael Sienicki

Monday, 27 August 2018

image for “So You Think You Can Dance” To Feature First Quadriplegic Dance Crew
The team's coach is jumping at the opportunity to compete.

In the midst of declining ratings over the past 15 seasons of So You Think You Can Dance, producer Jessica Lively confirmed today that the show has been picked up for an additional season to premier in 2019.

Despite the dwindling viewership, she is confident that the show will make a return to primetime with the addition of more “inclusive and diverse dancing crews” to the lineup.

The show’s scouts are particularly excited to premier the show’s very first quadriplegic dance crew, who go by the name of “The Rolling Dirty-Thirty”. As the name suggests, the crew is comprised of thirty handicapable talents, whom incorporate finely choreographed B-Boy routines based around such numbers as OutKast’s, “I Like The Way You Move”; Ludacris hit, “Stand Up”; and the Unk 2006 club-banger, “Walk It Out”.

“In no way are we trying to exploit these brave contestants for mere entertainment,” said Lively in response to the initial criticism. “We hold ourselves to a higher standard here at So You Think You Can Dance, and we carry our heads high knowing we’re doing our part to represent those who physically can’t carry their heads high. We’ll continue to do so one step at a time.”

The announcement seems to be working wonders, as already there has been an increase in viewer interest, and applicants who wish to be featured on the show’s upcoming season. One such hopeful dance crew is “The Golden Nuggets”, a four-piece group made up of midgets that perform expressive avant-garde dance renditions of Goldfrapp tunes, such as: 2008’s “Clowns”; as well as 2000’s “Lovely Head” and “Oompa Radar”.

When asked about the peculiar song choice, “The Golden Nuggets” dance leader Melvin Highmore, had this to say: “We dance to what is relatable, and Goldfrapp just seems to understand the struggle of the little guy caught up in this complicated, big world. We’re excited to showcase our talents on the show, and prove once and for all that we are just as capable as anyone else. We’d love to give you sneak peek at our performance… could you just hit the “play” button there, I can’t quite reach it.”

And what a performance it was, the pitter-patter of tiny feet culminating into a fantastic show of emotion and incapability. With the level at which these tiny performers executed, we here at The Spoof can hardly contain our excitement to see what they and “The Rolling Dirty-Thirty” have to offer to the next and likely last season of So You Think You Can Dance. Keep your DVR’s free, as this will be a television event that you won’t want to miss.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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