(NOT EDITED) One hit wonders, Liverpool FC, are wondering why they are not 'top dogs' anymore while both Manchester clubs are 'rinsing' them this season after their first Premier League success since the Amoeba exited water!
Their German manager, Klopp, in an interview with German boulevard Zeitung, Bid, told his fans in Germany that his team was absolute 'Scheisse' and his diamond-studded forwards couldn't hit the side of a Manchester United fan bus standing in Liverpool under high-security with United fans sticking up their middle fingers chanting a Queen classic, "No time for Losers", even if they wanted to!
There is a light at the end of the Mersey Tunnel though? Dutch defender van Dijk, crippled by brainless England and Everton keeper, Pickford, is in rehab in Holland. But sadly, Holland has a curfew, so van Dijk is stuck in his Dutch mansion and cannot get back to Liverpool until COVID-19 blows east! Their Dutch saviour is now a distant light flickering like a lighthouse flame off the Dutch coast after Brexit and cannot save their sorry Scouse souls in time!
This desperate, life threatening situation in Liverpool, not COVID-19, but United topping them, has caused Scouser fans to break all of the PM's regulations re lockdown! Several hundred depressed Liverpool fans were last seen jumping into the Mersey. Luckily, a passing ferry blasting out, on a scratched 45, a rendition of the Pacemakers flop hit, Ferry across the Mersey, managed to pick them up because the captain swore, he would never 'Let them drown alone!
Meanwhile Manchester fans, both red and light-blue, are happily singing a revamped version of Joy Division's magnificent hit, "Love will tear us apart" now called "Liverpool will never tear us apart!"