Harry Maguire quits footy and becomes a Kickboxer!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Thursday, 15 October 2020

image for Harry Maguire quits footy and becomes a Kickboxer!
Maguire's talents are certainly more suited to this sport! His brains too!

(NOT EDITED) Manchester United's 'falling star' defender has decided enough is enough after realising he has much more talent being a kick-boxer than a twinkle-toed, footy central defender, who gets stuffed every time a speedy attacker leaves him for dead!

After Harry's escapades on a Greek island showing off his Mike Tyson skills, and his ability to kick the crap out of Danish opponents whizzing past him, he has informed Manchester United that he's stopping playing a game in which he is absolutely useless at, and going into the ring where his opponents cannot escape so quickly.

Maguire was purchased for a ridiculous £80 million big ones, typical United, throwing money out of their pram like babies bin their dummies, and now have decided, "What's £80 million? Let's get rid of the useless 'tosser', cut our losses, reduce our wage/tax bill, and give our owners a bonus for having such brilliant business acumen!"

Harry will start training as a professional kickboxer and undergo a fitness test in Thailand, where kickboxing fans love watching their idols kick and punch the crap out of each other in the ring, not on a footy field!

After intense training, Maguire, will then join a pro-kickboxing circus travelling the planet where his undoubted punch and kicking skills are much better utilised.

Manchester United wish Harry all the best for his future and are vehemently scouting the planet for another 'multi-million tosser' to join their current collection of total flops including; Phil Jones, Marcus Rojo, Victor Lindelof, Eric Bailly, ex flop-Chris Smalling, and of course, ex-super-kicker 'Arry Boy!'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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