Harry Maguire To Be Placed In The Stocks

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 23 August 2020

image for Harry Maguire To Be Placed In The Stocks
All are encouraged to join in

In a frenzy of activity on the Greek island of Syros, it's been announced that Manchester United and England defender Harry Maguire, who was arrested for assaulting several police officers on the neighbouring island of Mykonos, last week, has appeared in court, and convicted before a jury.

He was sentenced to spending an afternoon in the stocks.

Local people and tourists alike will be invited to pelt rotten tomatoes and eggs at the overpaid star, and to laugh or jeer whilst doing so.

Out-of-date vegetables, such as cauliflowers and cabbages, can also be thrown at the mug's bonce.

Maguire, 27, got involved in some kind of argument that wasn't his, and started pushing and shoving, arging and barging, jostling, slapping, jabbing, lamping, punching, slugging, smiting and 'creaming' any member of the local constabulary that fancied taking the Yorkshireman on.

He finally calmed down when he received a mobile phone call from his mum in England, telling him he was being naughty. She had been alerted by one of Harry's friends.

It's the first time an Englishman has been sentenced to an afternoon in the stocks for over 200 years, but Maguire was philosophical about the unusual punishment, saying:

"Well, I suppose it's better than a couple of years in the slammer!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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