Pancake Day Latest: Manchester United Captain Harry Maguire Is Going Round To His Mum's House Later

Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 24 February 2020

image for Pancake Day Latest: Manchester United Captain Harry Maguire Is Going Round To His Mum's House Later
A shitload of Mrs Maguire's famous pancakes

Harry Maguire, the Manchester United and England central defender who cost United £80million when he joined them last summer, has confirmed he will be going round to his mum's house on Tuesday, for a special Pancake Day treat.

According to Maguire, 26, his mum makes the best pancakes in Yorkshire, or, at least, in Sheffield. He said:

"Mum makes the best pancakes in Yorkshire, or, at least, in Sheffield. Or rather, in this part of Sheffield. At the very least, she makes the best pancakes down our street, and that's a fact."

Harry will drive over to his mum's house when he finishes training on Tuesday afternoon, after picking up his girlfriend, Fern Hawkins. He doesn't want her to miss out on the tasty treats his mum is preparing, and she is as excited about the event as her brick shithouse boyfriend. She said:

"I've heard so much about Mrs Maguire's pancakes! I just can't wait to get my gob around one of them!"

She'll have to. Mrs Maguire is not only a dab hand at making pancakes, she is also a strict timekeeper, and the first pancake will be flipped from pan to plate at 5:45pm, as usual.

Said Harry:

"Flipping heck! Pancake Day is one of my most favouritest days of the year!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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