Manchester United: 'King' Eric Cantona To Take Over At Old Trafford

Written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 15 February 2020

image for Manchester United: 'King' Eric Cantona To Take Over At Old Trafford
The King is back!

As reported in these pages earlier in the week, Manchester United have, this morning, agreed terms with their former star player, Eric Cantona, to take over the management of the club from Ole Gunnar Solskjaer with immediate effect.

Cantona, 53, was the darling of United's side during the 1990s, and wrote his name into the Red Devils' history books with his infamous Kung Fu kick at Crystal Palace fan, Matthew Simmons, at Selhurst Park in 1995.

Now, however, his mission is a different one: rediscover United's lost fight and ambition, and put them back on their lofty perch at the top of the football ladder.

Previous boss, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, has been asked to 'clear his desk', but there were only a few old comics, a photo of Sir Alex Ferguson, and a book, 'Football Management for Dummies', so it didn't take long.

The Frenchman's first task was to get the team ready for Monday night's stern test at Stamford Bridge against Chelsea. He assembled the squad in the executive suite, put his collar up, popped open several bottles of wine to relax the players, and read some extracts from Camus to calm their nerves.

Then they all watched a porno.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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