In a totally bizarre break from the long-standing tradition, England have beaten Australia in a cricket match. Admittedly they had to bring the Irish in to help them out on the lend-lease scheme, but let nothing detract from the shocking and probably never to be seen again in our lifetime experience of England not capitulating feebly on the cricket field.
Concerned Chairman of Selectors, David Graveney admitted afterwards that this result had thrown carefully-laid plans for the forthcoming World Cup into disarray. "Frankly, we were banking on a clean sweep of defeats against the Aussies on this tour," he remarked. "We've managed to get nearly all our good players sidelined with injuries and and personal problems, so this has come out of the blue."
Never one to be undone by the adversity of unexpected success, Graveney had a solution to hand. "I've decided to change the squad for the World Cup, just to be on the safe side. I'm bringing a retired ballroom dancer into the team. That should get us back on track to lose every match we play in the Caribbean. We are there to make up the numbers, not to try to win. We haven't forgotten our mission statement," he reassured worried fans.
Rumours that Geoff Boycott is to be appointed team manager and captain have been traced back to a G. Boycott Esq.
Bruce Forsyth is 88.
