Mourinho To Exit Chelsea In Swap Shock Deal

Written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 1 February 2007

image for Mourinho To Exit Chelsea In Swap Shock Deal

In a move that is set to shake English football to its very foundations, Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho will tomorrow leave the club to take up the reins at Championship strugglers Hull City.

Even more surprising is that, current Hull manager Phil Brown, will be the person to replace The Chosen One, in what has been described as a "Swap Shock".

Recent behind-the-scenes rumblings at Stamford Bridge had surfaced in the media, but Mourinho was expected to see the season out before moving on.

Differences between Himself and Ruski owner Roman Abominavich, had begun to sour their relationship, and they had not slept together since last Christmas. According to sources close to the Portugeezer, things had come to a head, and He felt it was time to move on, if not "up".

At a two-minute press conference, Jose spoke briefly to confirm His name, and then said "I'm off", at which point, he left for Victoria Station to catch the National Express coach to Hull.

City currently lie fifth from bottom in the Championship, and Mourinho will get a reality check when He dons His flat cap next week. The total monetary value of the players at the KC Stadium is less than the weekly wage bill at Chelsea, and Jose will have His work cut out to keep them in the division.

Despite the fact that the Tigers are an unfashionable club, it is known that Mourinho finds the black-and-amber-striped kit irresistible, and that His favourite dish is fish and chips.

Asked why He had taken this "plunge", the sexy Latino replied, poetically, "You ask me 'why?'...You should ask me 'How?'" and left for a massage.

Understandably, some of the players are a tad upset. Arse Robbing wept openly, and Frank Lamppost and Didier Dogdirt vowed never to pull on a Blues shirt again.

Idiots speculated that the pair might join Hull, but this seems unlikely as all the lamp posts in Hull are already covered in dog dirt.

When Phil Brown was asked about his feelings regarding the move, the Geordie was pensive:

"Why, aye, man!" he said, pulling his underpants over his head.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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