After his ailing team's 3-1 defeat on Sunday,"manager" of Manchester United, Jose Mourinho revealed the contrast in management style between him and Liverpool's Juergen Klopp . Klopp's philosophy is that a win is credited to his players but in the case of defeat it is his responsibility. This is the complete opposite of Moaning Maureen, who is of course "special". Wins are due to him while his players are responsible for defeats and their dismal form.
Chesterfield manager Martin Allen has made seven players available for transfer following a run of 19 National League games without a win. Allen told The Spoof "It's true they are listed but nobody wants the useless buggers".
According to midfielder Joelle Murray, Scotland "won't fear anyone" at the Women's World Cup next summer despite being drawn in a group with Euro 2017 semi-finalists England, 2015 finalists Japan and Argentina. They have however dropped plans for recording a song along the lines of Scotland and Del Amitri's 1998 ditty Don't Come Home Too Soon.
STOP PRESS: The Spoof's football correspondent is angry that Manchester United has sacked Jose Mourinho and will now have to fill his column with made up gossip. The club has named ever youthful former player Ole Gunnar Solskjaer as caretaker manager until the end of the season, a day after sacking Moaning Maureen.