Written by Jaggedone

Monday, 22 August 2016

image for David Moyes becomes an Undertaker!
Deadly David Moyes in his fav role: The Reaper Returns!

Stuttering, sub-standard, soccer manager, David Moyes who once ruled the roost at mighty Manchester United for only 10 months as The Chosen One, Everton and Real Sociedad, who gave him a Spanish boot in the cojones too, has decided enough is enough! He has joined a course in the undertaking business utilizing his experience of burying every club that he joins.

David, has now joined Sunderland FC, a club that is constantly used to fighting against the deadly threat of relegation, and his new employers are convinced that David Moyes is the man who can lead them to their rightful destination, the death sentence!

After only 2 games of the new season David has told the English tabloids that he will certainly lower the "Sword of Damocles" hanging over the club's head and complete the execution. However, David's reputation as a burial expert led him to believe his actual role in life should be burying the real dead and not wasting his time leading different football clubs to their funerals.

The Undertaker fraternity have welcomed David's enrollment in their midst and believe he can become a "Devastating Digger" by offering his superb talents as the "Ultimate Undertaker"! Sunderland fans, hoping to be buried by David, are queuing up in their droves because they know when their beloved club becomes dead and buried, suicide is the only thing left and David will certainly be offering his own personal eulogy to suicidal Sunderland Suckers for the price of a mere 5 million pounds!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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