"Дайте мне все свои деньги", squeals local survey participant
Due to new surveys that have taken place in Russia FIFA has decided to relocate the 2018 World Cup to America. Russia has many activists and FIFA fears that enraged, violent Russian fans might, simply put, go crazy if their team fails to win. Russia hasn't been a very successful team in the World Cup and Russian teams are not known for their skill so it is highly likely that there will be a major outrage from the Russians. Vladimir Putin, being a very powerful man might demand the Soviet Army to brutally murder the winning team.
It will take place in Lincoln High School's tennis court. The only spectators will be the students as students aren't really powerful and even if they rage you can just insult them and they'll just go back crying to their mom, and they probably won't know who won because most children are imbeciles. Half the crowd's probably gonna be cheering for one team and the other half for the other team.
Many FIFA officials have said that this is the safest way to go and they are tired of betting services making money off the game and they are afraid technological advancement might allow people to see the future, allowing them to bid a large sum of money on the winning score and they might buy FIFA, and claim all of our trillions of dollars in revenue.
Portugal's former national team manager 2004-04/07/2015, Frank Lampard has another thing to say, though. "This is silly". He was fired for his argument.