Written by Jaggedone

Thursday, 5 March 2015

image for Man United employ secret weapon - a Llama
Not quite but near enough, they spit too!

Louis van Gaal, much troubled Manchester United, double Dutch manager, has resorted to a drastic method of getting his lame (not Llama, not yet) team playing exciting football again.

Although United are winning many games, LVG, just does not seem to get the fans going with his side-step-backward passing style so he has introduced a new play style (That's Dutch for method), spitting!

No more 3-5-2, 4-4-2, 4-3-3 or anything else, just a Llama, called Angel de Saliva, standing on the pitch spitting at anything that dares get near the United defence. Angel earns 230000 grand a week, is fed on raw red meat, onions and pisses like a camel.

His team mates love him and in last nights game against the Geordies (For US readers, Newcastle United) Angel was given the job of spitting at Newcastle players every time they AWOL'd into the United half, it worked because in the 89th minute LVG's team snatched a late winner after Angel di Saliva spat in Newcastle's Dutch goalkeeper's eye and he passed the ball straight to Ashley Young who thanked Angel with a huge kiss (onion breath, AAGH!), crossed his chest and prayed to the God of Llamas for sending Angel to Manchester!

LVG will play Angel until the end of the season and hopes to spit his way to the top, as for the other Angel, he's a flop and must start learning to spit in the right direction!

More as we phlegm it!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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