Euro 2012 Final: Spain 4 Italy 0 - UEFA look to introduce handicaps

Written by radiogagger

Sunday, 1 July 2012

image for Euro 2012 Final: Spain 4 Italy 0 - UEFA look to introduce handicaps
After a convincing win, Spain plan to dance the night away with senoritas who can sway

Spain created history by becoming the first team to win three successive global tournaments (Euro 2008, World Cup 2010 and Euro 2012).

The triple champions won at a canter without getting out of second gear on sunday night v the unlucky Italians, who only touched the ball four times in the second half. Twice to pick the ball out of the net and twice to kick off.

Goals from David De Silva and Jordi Alba gave the Spanish a commanding 2-0 half-time lead, and Italy never looked like getting back into the game in the second half, before late goals from subs Fernando Torres and Juan Mata gave the scoreline an even more convincing look.

BBC pundit Roberto jellyface told our reporter "At 2-0 it looked all over, if it was a boxing match the ref would have stopped it. Instead of bringing on the goalscoring Chelsea duo Torres and Mata, Spain could have brought any two overweight paella eating fans on from the crowd and it would not have made a blind bit of difference"

UEFA are expected to meet early on Monday to discuss the introductions of handicaps to give other teams a chance when playing Spain. Suggestions so far include

* Giving other team their own ball to play with
* Other team kicking off five minutes before Spain.
* Instead of Spain bringing on Fernando Torres as sub, they can only bring on his three year old son and two year old daughter.
* Spain to give opposition goal start, and play in blindfolds.
* Instead of playing Jordi Alba, Spain must field five characters from Geordie Shore.
* Spain goalkeeper to play with one hand tied behind back at all times.

Having completed the treble, the chase is now on for the Grand slam. The next World Cup is in Brazil in 2014. Qualifying starts in September.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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