Gerrard extends Premier League Winner indemnity

Funny story written by Deafo

Friday, 13 January 2012

Steven Gerrard has extended his current Premier League Winner indemnity agreement with Liverpool for an undisclosed period of time, the club have announced.

The midfielder negotiated an extension to his existing indemnity with the Merseyside outfit which effectively preserves his elbows from the undue stress associated with the repeated hoisting of consequential silverware above one's head.

The Huyton born Gerrard told the clubs website, 'Its a great relief to have finally put the nail in the coffin of any chance I had of lifting anything other than a tin pot trophy above my head in the near future.'

'To have underachieved with my boyhood club for some many years, fills me with a great sense of pride, and a gnawing stupidity, at wasting my talents with one of the nations fallen giants.'

He went on, 'I am now wishing to end my career on a high in Liverpool, so expect to hear stories of my imminent decline into a spiralling heroin addiction in the very near future.'

Manager Kenny Dalglish welcomed the development with a boyish vigour.

'Its fantastic for the fans, the club and the playing staff.'

'We have been able to offer Steven all the assurances in the world that he has more chance of hosting the Globes than he does of joining the Premier League winners roster before he retires.'

'Ricky Gervais stands more chance of a winners medal.'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more