Andre Villas-Boas Is Definitely On His Way Out

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Monday, 2 January 2012

image for Andre Villas-Boas Is Definitely On His Way Out
John Terry - In The Frame To Replace AVB As Player-Manager

It appears that all the speculation surrounding the future of Andre Villas-Boas at Chelsea is true, and that he will be sent packing from Stamford Bridge within the next forty eight hours.

The suggestion is that AVB has lost control of the dressing room at the Bridge, and has become increasingly exasperated as he has failed to match the legendary off-field activities of some of his top stars, much less match them in the Sunday red top headlines.

"He's making us a laughing stock," one Chelsea fan grumbled about the 34 year old Portuguese. "The bloke's a rookie. His tactics are non-existent, and he'll never be able to compete with the Ashley Coles, the John Terrys or the Frank Lampards of this world. I mean, for a youngish bloke, he's a disgrace. No wonder the players don't look up to him. No mention yet of booze fuelled parties, call girls, other managers' wives, bondage sessions, bungs, cocaine binges, secret liaisons with shaky far eastern gambling syndicates, or dodgy insider trading. The bloke should have pulled his finger out. His perfectly reasonable behaviour is giving the club a bad name. Enough is enough. He has to go. Simple as that."

The current unrest appears to have come to a head as AVB excluded Nikolas Anelka from the club's official Christmas party - a move which the players countered by holding their own unofficial Christmas bash for Anelka at Ali Bullo's kebab van in Bethnal Green. The players also complained that AVB's team selections frequently left them bewildered, and that they haven't been instructed as to how they should approach certain crucial fixtures.

One player, who wished to remain anonymous, told reporters:

"He just tells us to go out and play. That's no good to me and the rest of the lads. I only clear 98 grand a week at the Bridge - he can't expect me to make my own decisions in a game for that paltry amount. It's just not right. The sooner he gets on his bike the better."

If sources are to be believed, AVB will be signing on by Wednesday.

More as we get it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more