QPR schemer Joey Barton 'not obsessed by Twitter' claims agent

Written by heidiburgle

Monday, 19 September 2011


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image for QPR schemer Joey Barton 'not obsessed by Twitter' claims agent
Barton on his way to A&E last week

After another controversial weekend on the Twitter front, Joey Barton's agent has claimed his player is not overly obsessed by Twitter, in fact it actually helps him stay away from more trouble.

"Joey's a good lad, so what if he likes to 'Tweet' now and then? Everyone does nowadays. If Fred West was able to use Twitter to verbally abuse his victims, rather than garotting them... happy days."

Barton said he actually thought about closing his Twitter account over claims it was taking over his life, but insists there is little harm in it. "I left home without my i-phone the other day and I was unable to Tweet for six hours. I had a huge panic attack and called 999 from a phone box. Fortunately there was no long term damage caused. I was more embarrassed by having to use a phone box, me, Joey Barton, on 90 grand a week, the shame of it.

"People say I'm obsessed by Twitter, and I say things I shouldn't. I didn't think it was an issue but I spoke to my wife about it, and she Tweeted me back saying just carry on. My health would suffer if I were to stop.

"I've downloaded a new app that enables voice recognition on Twitter. Now I can get miked-up, stuff my i-phone in my jock strap and Tweet during games."

Barton, who took his marriage vows using Twitter, said his latest spat with Wolves' Karl Henry, was nothing more than 'twitter chatter' - "He's all mouth and no trousers. I wound him up by saying I was on 80 grand on a week, but he knows that's not true, it's nearer to 70 grand a week.

"He can break my legs, but he'll never break my i-phone."

Barton nearly signed for Neil Warnock at Sheffield United in his younger days, but instead went to jail. "Talks broke down unfortunately as the kid had to serve time. I just told him to go and enjoy it, I hear it's a great place," said Warnock.

"I nearly didn't get him second time around. He was due to fly down from Newcastle but he wasn't allowed on the flight as he had too much baggage. Luckily he jumped on the next available train and we thrashed out a deal worth 100 grand a week.

"He's such an infectious person. On his first day in training, he tied me down, shaved off my eyebrows and stuck them on his chin, the scamp."

Barton admitted he was surprised about the ability of his new team-mates. "Ally Faurlin really surprised me, I didn't know he was that good. Rob Hulse also surprised me, I didn't know he was that bad."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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