QPR star Adel Taarabt considers name change

Written by heidiburgle

Monday, 19 September 2011

QPR playmaker Adel Taarabt is considering changing his name - because he's getting fed up with people mispronouncing it.

"Everyone gets it wrong, it's pronounced 'Ter-rat' - but hardly anyone says it properly," he said after finishing training today at 9.30am.

"Some people seem to think there is a 's' on the end, 'kinnel! 'Ter-rats', 'Ta-rats', 'Tab-a-rats' - you English should learn my name. Even the boss calls me 'Ta-ra-bat' - at least when he's not calling me something else.

"I was due to appear on Jonathan Ross's new show on Saturday, but in rehearsals he kept calling me 'Adel Ta-wa-bwat', so I stormed out - though I still expect my fee. I had to leave the game early at Wolves to get to the studio in time as well.

"Some people call me 'Tarbs' - but that reminds me of Jimmy Tarbuck, the scouse comedian from Liverpool, I think.

"I looked into changing my name legally, but didn't fancy being called Adel Deedpoll.

"Then I thought I should just be known by my first name, like the Brazilians, but I was told people might mistake me for that fat singer, the one that claims she was brought up in the ghetto. Have you seen the size of her? Brought up on gateaux more like. I think her album titles reflect her increasing weight."

Taraabt was asked about his own weight issues, with some fans suggesting he's carrying an extra pound or two. "Bullshit, I'm fit as a fiddle. The boss will vouch I train as hard as anyone, three, sometimes four times a month."

So what does the future hold for Adel Taraabt - the name? "I might find myself an alias, like some of my heroes, Elton John, Captain Sensible and X-Factor finalist, Storm Lee. Or maybe just give myself a title, Dr Adel or Lord Adel. DJ Campbell gets away with it - he's never spun a shitting tune in his life."

Despite the on going situation with his name, there can be no denying Adel Taraabt is beginning to find his feet at Premier League level. "Now the boss has brought in some players who are nearly as good as me, it makes it easier for me to play at a greater level. Last year was a struggle at times, it was like being on the set of Beauty and the Geek... I was the beauty of course.

"I'm happy at QPR, I can see myself staying here for many, many weeks, probably until January. Arsenal, Man Utd, Chelsea, Man City, Barcelona, Real Madrid, AC Milan and Al-Ain FC all want me. But I'll stay if QPR can better the 120 grand a week they're paying to Joey Barton."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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