Meat to blame
A New York Times columnist says that red meat is the death knell of western civilisation. Many people disagree, and think white meat is the root of all our many problems. I'll stay with rice/beans.
Trump impersonator in trouble
The manager of a local fast food outlet has denied he is impersonating President Donald Trump. "I'm five feet one inches tall and I have a long beard," he maintained. Police are investigating him.
Get in line, you!
Western academics are scared that people of Eurasian descent are becoming way too intelligent. They want these people to take a number and wait in line for the next available opportunity. Ho hum.
Nixon can't stay away from Office
The ghost of Richard Nixon has apparently been appearing in the corridors of the White House suggesting that it's impeachment time again. "Hey it was HIM!" cried one astonished worker. Bless his heart.
Queen's ditty for the masses
Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II is believed to have recorded a song for release on the mainstream charts. The song, said to be titled "I'm A Pretty Nice Girl", features Phil Collins and Prince Harry.
Slavery is back
The Democratic Party has announced that it will reintroduce slavery as a plank of its policy platform at the next election. "This will free up labour shortages" said one spokes person for the party.