Record Sale On eBay
A tick's turd that's in the shape of Florida sells to casino on eBay for $10,000.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
Beanie Babies Bottom Out!
On the other hand, Prices of air guitars hit all time high!
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
Richard Simmons Hospitalized
Exercise guru Richard Simmons was hospitalized after his Pet Rock, "Oldie" turned on him and left him bruised badly.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
Is President Losing It?
President Obama: "We are NOT in debt for over 17 trillion dollars. Oh no! That was CAPTAIN AMERICA! Now we might try to help with the release of a special limited number of comics, etc....Not US!"
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
Fossilized Evidence Reveals Giant Hyenas
"These fellas could be heard laughing for ten miles", says Professor Rick Danko. "Probably killed foes from lack of sleep."
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
President Admits Seeing Ghost
"It was worth losing the election to get the ghost of Brigham Young off my behind", laughs Romney. "Good luck with the 'Lady's Man'Mr. President!"
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
Shots Fired Over Line Hold-Up!
Police arrested two people at The Crispy Donut in Nashville this morning following an argument between a customer & owner over how many doughnuts make up a 'baker's dozen'. Two other people shot both.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
Health and Technology Is The Future
CEO of Broadskills tells students that if they want to make a load of money in the next 20 years stick to the health & technology fields. CEO Collins spoke before a crowd of over 1,000 idiot-savants.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
One Hundred Hazards
Intelligent baby lists over 100 things around the house that he could choke on, including Uncle Dave's hearing aid.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
Anthony Weiner's newest campaign promise -
Is to sext every NYC resident if he's elected. And he's serving weiners - oh, that's spelled wieners, at his acceptance get-together, if he's elected.
written by Samuel Vargo, 29 July 2013
Latest Fro Seattle Salvation Army:
Our Pope Francis T-Shirts are kicking Binny Hinn T-shirts ass!
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
Michelle Obama To NCAAP Crowd
"George Zimmerman probably out there killing somebody right now!"
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
Talk Radio Condemned
Many say they hate AM radio these days because of the silly news, sportscasters. "AM mean 'Absolute Morons", says one. "Of course FM means (wife: SHUT UP! Kids in back!).
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
Many Now Home From July 4th Family Visit Getting Ready for School
Typical Comment: "Well, we got crap that over with until Christmas!
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
FDA Suspects Meat Not As Claimed
They are especially suspicious of those restaurants serving Horse d' oeuvres
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
Pigs smart as dogs? Activists pose the question
Official answer: Although pigs can out-sniff a dog on finding doughnuts, dogs are better on sniffing out everything else! Brains still being studied.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
Especially, Translvania, Romania
Romania pleads for Europe to adopt blood-donation policies!
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
Cambodia election challenge raises fears
"Many are still voting for Pol Pot", says local overseer. "They are afraid not to."
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
Survey: We're working less than our parents did
But we're complaining twice as much!
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
People we've lost this year
Most place the blame on faulty GPS systems.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
Egypt edges toward violence
After hundreds killed and thousands injured, you could have almost predicted it.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
Bikini-clad Worshippers at Pope Mass in Brazil
"It helped bring in a bigger crowd to teach morals", says local priest
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
Are You Suffering with Joint Discomfort?
Then try drinking at home. That is, unless the wife is big as a bouncer!
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
Street Mob Of 10 Teens Brutally Attacks Man Walking Home From Work In Baltimore
Meanwhile gun sales go up another five percent.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
President Takes Vineyard Vacation at $7.6 Million House
While Washington can't afford to open White House Tours to the public.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
Dressing right
SALINAS, CA - When a Salinas high school principal banned students from wearing thong panties, coeds responded by not wearing any underclothes at all. The principal agrees they meet the dress code.
written by Gee Pee, 29 July 2013
Students: "There's no fool like an old fool!"
A geriatrics professor at Miami University, Oxford, Ohio, refuses to stop wearing his thong swimsuit at the school pool, citing the "educational value" of the display.
written by Gee Pee, 29 July 2013
Get 'em while they're hot!
NEW YAWK - Mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner's campaign manager quit after Weiner sent photos of his weiner to young women. If his election bid fails, Weiner says, "I can always sell hotdogs."
written by Gee Pee, 29 July 2013
Victim "flattered," but says assailant needs "anatomy lessons"
LONDON - A man followed a woman around Walmart, pretended to bump and grind into her, and tossed a handful of semen onto her buttocks. "I'd hoped she'd have my baby," he explained.
written by Gee Pee, 29 July 2013
Prisoners Still On Hunger Strike!
Doctor at California prison where hunger strike still going on says that inmates appear to be in better shape than those eating horse meat.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
Weiner Still In A Pickle
Anthony Weiner's opponents say he'll be badly beaten if he decides to go ahead and run.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
In cash-strapped Detroit, few question sports arena funding
"We can also use the new arena for rioting!", says Mayor.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
After 75 years of marriage, couple die one day apart at age 94 #2
"What was your secret?" "Separate Houses!" yells Hester after Fester dies one day early.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
After 75 years of marriage, couple die one day apart at age 94
High school sweethearts Fester and Hester Brown, who were born on the same day on Dec. 30, 1918, died at age 94, within one day of each other. "Fester always screwing up something", say Hester.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
Pope Not Upset By Brazil Venders
"I even heard they were selling popeciscles", he laughs.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
Pope says he won't judge gay priests
"Look at our past. What pope has ever tried to condemn any minority?"
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
Family Pulls Weiner Out of Burning Car!
"We were just on our way to a wiener roast", says lady driver.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
Weiner Told To Fall on His Sword
New Yorkers say they do not want a mayor who is the victim of jokes daily. "We've elected enough Jokers already!"
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
Weiner Promises!
Anthony Weiner says that he will not be poking his head into other people's business if elected!
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
Weiner Stops in Mid-Stride
After first 15 minutes of speech interrupted by "Peter Twitter!" yells from audience!
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
Weiner Disappears after 4-Hour Speech
Last seen headed toward Bellevue Hospital Emergency Room.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
Nude woman on beach taken into custody
Greenpeace called in by officers to help load 'Gail The Whale'.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
3 Million Attend Pope's Mass on Last Day #2
Yells from helicopter, "You can drop your tops now!"
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
3 Million Attend Pope's Mass on Last Day
After he leaves, someone begins shouting "Party! Party! Party!"
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
95-year-old man armed with cane dies after cops hit with stun gun, bean bag rounds.
As nation tries to cut social security costs.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
Pentagon Vows: 'American people should hear it from us, not as scoop on DRUDGE REPORT'.
This latest news brought to you by the Drudge Report.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
CHICAGOLAND: Cash reserves plunge, debt triples.
Cubs and White Sox players may face higher taxes! Bears threaten Mayor.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
Required Every Three Month Superhero Film Premieres
Next Up: Secret Tales of The Flying Squirrel!
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
119 year old woman 'world's oldest person'.
Winks at male presenting prize and whispers, "I'm actually only 104. Look me up."
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
Army Debuts Unisex Combat Uniforms.
Marines, Navy, Air Force, National Guard quit.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
AP: 4 out of 5 in USA face near-poverty, no work.
And now for the bad news....
written by Bureau, 29 July 2013
