Snoops: Little Known Fact #1098
According to Snoops: For hundreds of years men on the high seas who had a hook for a hand grew desperate on long voyages and often castrated themselves when a sudden wave hit.
Vatican: Pope Francis Is Safe
Pope spirited out of crowd by helicopter not beaten with ugly sticks as feared. "He just looks that way", says anonymous Swiss Guard.
President Obama's Latest On High Gas Prices
"We will borrow five trillion dollars from the Chinese and get the price of electric cars down to $5,000 each. Someone ask Madoff how we can do that."
White House: Assad one of era's 'worst tyrants'
Last Week: Assad, although a tyrant at times, is much more stable than those attacking him. Week Before: Assad worst leader since Hitler!
Older Gay Scouts Warned
"I know that some of you scout leaders here are gay", stated scout leader. "There has been a new ruling that scouts can be gay. However, there is to be no tying-of-the-knot marriages here at MY camp!"
L L Bean Sales Slow
A spokesperson for L L Bean told the press today that sales have been down lately but "we discovered we hadn't been selling any camouflaged clothing because no one could see them."
Old Lady Taken In By Detroit Police
"All we can tell you is that she was at the Crusty Years Nursing Home and was resisting a rest", says police officer.
Who Will Be New Royal Baby's Nanny?
Thus far the top choice seems to be Sir Elton John!
Limbaugh Accuses Obama
Rush Limbaugh today accused President Obama of dying some of his hair white. "He wants us to think he's working hard! He's working hard alright, on his putting and pitching wedge!"
Let's Sit Tight On Syria, Egypt, Ten Other Civil Wars
The President still cannot make up his mind if we are for or against Syrian rebels. Biden: "Let's just sit tight and see who's winning. Obama: That could take 100 years. How long can you sit tight?"
2 men face rat, reptile breeding cruelty charges
"Any idiot knows you can't breed a snake and a rat", says arresting officer. "Only one is going to survive."
Baby Boy Celebrations Continue
Briton still celebrating birth of royal baby! Many calling in too sick to work finds no one there to answer phone.
Prison Break in Iraq
Al Qaeda claims Iraq prison raids, says 500 inmates freed from one cell. Iraqi guard blames overcrowding.
Anthony Weiner Faces New Sex Chat Allegations
"Once a Weiner, always a Weiner", to be opponent's slogan!
Pope makes hurried leave from crowd in helicopter!
"We had to get him out of there" states pilot. "I'm sure families of those beheaded will be given money, granted indulgences!"
Pope forced to leave crowd by helicopter!
"It be a miracle", says native Brazilian. "Pope flew away on big bird!"
The Pope in Brazil....thousand mob the Pontiff's car.....strewth, I never knew the old fart owed so much money!
written by Herrdoktorfox, 23 July 2013
Look out Brad!
Angelina Jolie puts in first bid for Royal baby
written by Herrdoktorfox, 23 July 2013
DAB and internet radio station hit by Daily Mail moral panic
Spokesman defends the station "It's JAZZFM.com you arses, not Jizzfm."
written by Paxton Quigley, 23 July 2013
Prince is a quick learner
It has just been announced that the Royal baby, born only hours ago, is now walking and even speaking some words. He will hold a press conference tomorrow to tell every body about the birth. Blimey!!
Royal baby up for grabs
The Royal baby has no sooner been born and half the corporate world are signing him up for endorsements. Cadbury chocolate want him to appear as a "sweetie munching tot" in their next commercials.
Was Prince a fraud?
Following the birth of the Prince of Cambridge, 162 people have emailed the hospital claiming that the Duchess was a surrogate for their babies. Police are now following up these lines of enquiry.
IRA Says It Will Never Be The Same
Who's going to believe any of our audits any more? If anyone takes us to court, they have all this news that's been released lately.
Crickets are energy bar's key ingredient!
Inventor says they really give you a kick. May not be laughing after lawsuit by PETA. That should be PETC, the Cricket division.
Tuna capsizes boat, drags man into sea
"Oh, it was Charley alright", man tells coast guard. "He's still upset after all those commercials showing that he wasn't selected."
Romney becomes grandpa to 22
"I had help", he joked, while pointing out his twelve wives.
Arming Syrian rebels gets green light
Obama approves arming Syrian rebels but may send troops to help Assad! "This way we gotta be on the winning side", he reasons. Four former presidents all hit foreheads. "Why didn't we think of that?"
Kanye West says Kanye West wrote the best rap verse of all time.
"The man is amazing isn't he? The rapper of all time! Let's give it up for me!"
No Free Sun for You! Why Arizona Wants to 'Tax' Solar Power
Will charge an extra 10% for every big solar flare. No tax breaks for cloudy days.
Beckham gives Prince tips on fatherhood!
David Beckham has given Prince Willy a few tips on fatherhood and the favourite one is; "don't do it like your dad!" "Thanks Becks, there's a knighhood on its way!" Replied the Prince!
U.S. Navy offers to help recover bombs from Great Barrier Reef
"If they are live bombs, you can collect all of them on your own, mate!"
Rooney congratulates new royal baby!
Wayne Rooney has congratulated the parents of the new royal baby and promised to visit them frequently when he moves to London!
Royal Baby is bald!
Shock, horror, the royal baby is bald just like his dad; it's a hereditary thing ask Rooney!
NCAA Chief Makes Proud Boast
"Ladies and gentlemen, it's almost time for NFL practice games to start and we still have TWO teams that have not had a single player arrested in the off season!"
Heatwave hits Halifax!
The heatwave causing much discomfort has just hit Halifax and has melted the local Building Society building!
First day of parenting faces William and Kate
No official name as of yet, although Prince William already calling him "Little Stinker".
Earth, as seen from 900 million miles away...
That's it. That middle dot up there in the title. How about that?
'Toilet-To-Tap' Water Purification Coming To CA.
Crowds of people place their house up for sale. "I'm not drinking my own piss ten times a day", one guy tells reporters.
NYC 911 System Crashes 4 Times On Monday.
Best start to a new week ever! Champagne bottles appear! Loud cheers!
Royal Baby Name
William and Kate have announced that their new baby son is to be called Richard Sebastian, or Rich Bastian for short.
written by IainB, 23 July 2013
CIA backs study into controlling weather.
But then backs off after seven agents hit by lightning! Big hail storm on headquarters.
New Fudge Report: #2
Colon Pile has decided to join the staff. Sorry, that should have been Colin Powell!
New Fudge Report!
In the latest Fudge Report: Feenamint outperformed Ex-Lax three to two although the two were slightly bigger!
Report: Al-Qaida Growing!
Several witnesses say they are at least seven feet tall! But on the bright side, much easier to hit.
President begs Hollywood celebrities to help pitch ObamaCare.
Seems confused in the heat. "I hope the Yankees don't bring out Petite."
Shock Poll: Obama popularity down to 41%.
After mike left open on "Kerry is WHERE? He'll have a snowball's chance over there."
Kerry finalizing Middle East peace talks team
Apparently there will be 100 Israelis and 100 Palestinians at conference table....outdoors. "Kerry is the one with the big head!"
Royal Baby 'Will Suck our Blood in Mid-21st Century': Russian Lawmaker.
I wonder how long he worked on saying those words, nine months probably. At least he got a headline on Drudge and got his 15 seconds!
At least six killed in new Cairo violence.
Or it could have been Syria, Lebanon, Syria, Iraq, take your choice. People nutty everywhere!
Wrong turn places pope in middle of frenzied crowd!
First reverse miracle right off the bat! "He'll make it up in a hurry if he gets out of here alive", says bystander.
Rio Cops Fire Tear Gas, Water Cannons At Protesters
Protesters apparently had gambled on Kate having a girl baby.
Don't Believe Everything You Read!
David Cameron has called for greater controls on the internet after a major newspaper printed a hoax news report claiming the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have announced their decision to separate.
written by Tommy Twinkle, 23 July 2013
Two Houston police officers were arrested today after being caught trying to sell CDs of "Hottest Under The Mattress Mikes"
Boston Grandmother arrested while crossing kitchen
Hidden mikes pick up the words "pressure cooker". Cooker full of garden grown green beans were blown up outside.