Morsi out in coup
Coupe, like the chickens? President in chicken coupe? Oh, in a Coup. Probably a chicken anyway.
Ecuador says it found a second hidden microphone at British Embassy
"This time we believe it is the work of the Americans not the British", says spokesman. "It says 'MADE IN CHINA' right there on the back!"
Alaska Gets Baked: Record Heat Has Its Consequences
Heat in Alaska allows Texas to become our largest state once again!
Snowden still in Moscow despite Bolivian plane drama
Mistake about Snowden being aboard airline made after military plane pilot reported a drone flying right behind it.
'LONE RANGER' Opens to Disastrous Numbers.
Patron: They made Tonto looked like a mad Keith Richards.
POLL: More Americans View Blacks As Racist Than Whites, Hispanics
Native American: No racists here. We treat all alike. Welcome to come to any of our many fine casinos.
Obama's Air Force One bill $6.5 million for Africa alone
China threatens to cut off allowance, Ground all U.S. politicians for a month!
Egypt: Epidemic of Sexual Violence
Many are reporting that Egypt as a country is screwed!
Breaking News: Oil Above $100!
Let's all hope that they mean per barrel, not gallon.
REPORT: Morsi Under House Arrest!
John Kerry: It's not so bad being held under a house. Except that time Paps went off and made me hide under the outhouse.
Andy Murray Wins The Quarter Finals At Wimbledon
Fernando Verdasco had the left handed serve, the first two sets and the hair, but Andy Murray won the quarter-finals at Wimbledon. Bravo Murray.
written by K.C. Bell, 03 July 2013
People think that the old TV Superman show was silly because no one recognized Clark Kent. But, if you ever watched it real close, Clark always crossed one eye and no one wanted to look really close.
Alex Rodriguez Defends Himself
"I took all those performance inducing drugs for playing football with guys in neighborhood, not Pro Baseball!"
84-Year-Old Wins Lottery
84-year-old woman in Florida who won the $590 million Powerball lottery. First thing she says she is getting is a head transplant. "Then I'll go body shopping overseas...Just Kidding Ha Ha!..STROKE!"
Health Tourism: Foreigners face a £200 NHS levy, wow!!.......not a bad fully comp insurance at 54p per day...well thought out Tory boys!
written by Herrdoktorfox, 03 July 2013
Florida Keys prepare for sea level rise
"We are all moving to the second floor or having second floor built", says Mayor. "Everyone already has a boat."
Tips to Make Your Mortgage Cheaper
"If you have a 15-year mortgage on your house, redo the loan to 30-45 years. By then dollar will be worth about ten cents", says economist.
Kershaw, Puig lead Dodgers to 8-0 win over Rockies, World War III Breaks out!
Clayton Kershaw tossed a four-hitter for his second shutout while Puig managed three hits in big win over Rockies. No updates on that war thing. Check back with us tomorrow.
Ecuador says it found a hidden microphone at its London embassy
British spokesman: "I wonder how the Americans managed to do that?"
Iraq war vet Rep. Tulsi Gabbard welcomes opening combat missions to women
"Who usually wins the divorce fight?", she asks audience.
Snoops True Facts: 111A The James Gang!
According to Snoops: The legend of the James Gang is greatly exaggerated. Instead of robbing over 100 banks and 200 trains, they only held up 77 banks and under 92 trains.
100,000 New Yorkers Infected With New Tick-Borne Illness.
Leading doctor says they "still don't know what makes them tick!" "The old heart just takes it last tick!" Immediately fired for using puns during serious threat.
FBI STILL Hasn't Contacted IRS-Targeted 'Tea Party' Groups About Investigation.
"Probably can't find anyone to make him a bullet-proof codpiece", says Tea Party spokesman.
Illinois governor vetoes parts of concealed carry gun bill.
Still won't be able to carry sawed-off shotgun down inside pants leg.
DREAMWORKS, SPIELBERG PLAN NEW 'GRAPES OF WRATH'.
Only this time, Indiana Jones will be driving the family out west...drunk as a skunk.
US drone kills 16 suspected militants in Pakistan.
What does these things do, count the number of dead after the explosion?
National Intelligence Director Apologizes for Lying to Congress.
Blames "Force of habit". "We usually just say 'misspoke' but this one was a whopper!"
World bets on British royal baby name, sex
Although there is much difference of opinion on the name, it's near 100% believe that they had sex.
DRAMA IN THE SKY: Bolivian leader's plane rerouted on fear Snowden aboard.
"For pete's sake", says leader "we're returning from a vacation. There is a 'snowboard', not Snowden. Is everybody crazy?"
Snoops True Facts #90
According to Snoops: Nine out of ten astronauts report a bowel movement upon re-entering the earth's atmosphere.
Egypt: 'Massive wave of anti-Obama sentiment'.
Everywhere else except with the Press in the United States.
Egypt's Islamist president refuses to step down.
"Are you kidding? There are banana peels all the way from here to Mecca!"
Snoops True Facts #1156
According to Snoops: The late great George Jones was born with two livers!
Police Stop and Search powers to be 'reviewed' by Home Secretary Fanny May...Robert Peel must be spinning in his grave!
written by Herrdoktorfox, 03 July 2013
French energy minister fired for speaking out of turn
"I had to go use the toilet. I lost track", he pleaded.
Robert Pattinson and Elvis Presley's granddaughter are allegedly dating, and more
Gossip columnist apparently won't comment on what he meant by "more". Probably sparking.
Clapper apologizes for 'erroneous' answer on NSA
"Did I say we bugged 10,000 Americans for security reasons? I meant 10,000,000. So I lied. It was for security reasons."
Mandela Family Feuds Over Burial, Legacy
Grandson apparently wants him buried at "Mandela World" Theme Park he's planning. Mandela signals: I ain't dead yet!
Defiant Egyptian president says he won't step down
Egyptian Army General: You can either step down now or we'll see that you step up...way way up.
Obama admin delays major requirement of health law
Says timing of announcement had nothing to do with any old election years coming up. "How does he do that with a straight face?" asks Rush Limbaugh.
Armed group forces closure of Libyan Interior Ministry
Israel: "Did you hear what Egyptian leader just said about Iran? No? How about that PLO spokesman saying Jordan was a rotten kumquat? (Hey, this is working.) Muslim Brotherhood say they hate Qatar."