Temps nearing normal next week.
The anomalous, hot cloud of carbon dioxide that has hung densely over the nation's capitol has begun to dissipate as the lawmakers give up on explaining this spending bill. Temps normal next week.
written by Smart Blonde Bimbo, 22 December 2013
North Korea's Kim Studying Reindeer
Tells his people, "They fly without wings. We need to solve that problem."
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
Charlie Sheen rips 'Duck Dynasty' patriarch over homosexuality remarks
"Those people must be nuts to do the things they do", says the Expert.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
Who Knew!
In Bat Yam Israel a bomb exploded and completely demolished a bus. No one was injured because it was evacuated when the abandoned bomb was spotted. CNN news calls it "a possible terrorist attack."
written by Keith Shirey, 22 December 2013
Obama Repeals Obamacare
Obama has given small business a one year extension to provide health care and, at the core of the program, has even suspended some individual mandates. There are no non-compliance penalties.
written by Keith Shirey, 22 December 2013
Both Parties Praise Budget Deal
Dem. Sen. Chuck Schumer said the deal was very good. It includes cuts for wounded vets, the poor, children and the aged. Hunger will increase due to no food stamp aid. Schumer in US is a liberal.
written by Keith Shirey, 22 December 2013
Kerry Deals With Crazy Karzai
Sec.Kerry wants Afghan Pres Karzai to sign a pact so US can stay there forever. But the nutty Karzi may or may not sign. I have to be his therapist the Sec. said, holding up a copy of a Freud book.
written by Keith Shirey, 22 December 2013
9-11 families can sue Saudi Arabia, court rules
"All your oil wells are belong to us!"
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
New York City Council votes to ban e-cigarettes #2
Mayor Bloomberg and City Council trying to outdo each other. "Oh yeah?", says Mayor. "Well you can't cross any streets anymore either!"
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
New York City Council votes to ban e-cigarettes
Don't go to New York City, folks. Apparently you can't do anything up there.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
Judge strikes down Utah's same-sex marriage ban
Jumps over the bench and lays a long tongue kiss on "partner".
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
Female sailors forced to march with buckets of human waste, Navy says
Ruins Navy slogan: "Join the United States Navy! We give a sh*t!"
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
Huge and sloppy storm system snarls holiday travel
Really messy, slipshod, slovenly week for the Holiday. Unkempt man at Kennedy Airport says it's an untidy, disheveled one big muddy puke out there!"
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
Democratic senator says Obamacare could have 'meltdown,' hurt party
President asks if he can fire him but told that didn't happen according to...well, you can try. You've done several thing illegal already.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
True Facts From Snoops #088
According to Indian Legend: Custer's last words were, "We got them right where we want them, boys.....Boys?"
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
House GOP: Climate Change Not A Threat
A House GOP caucus determined yesterday that climate change is not a threat to the planet. They also voted that the risk of cigarets, trans-fats, asbestos, & radioactivity to health was overblown.
written by Keith Shirey, 22 December 2013
True Facts From Snoops #343
According to Snoops: All Kentucky Fried Chicken "Genuine Nuggets" come only from a rooster!
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
True Facts From Snoops #774
According to Snoops: In North Korea, you can be executed for frowning!
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
It's Christmas Time, Let's Go To Sachs!
2 Wall Streeters were talking about "class warfare." One said that Jesus condemned earthly power based on riches. Don't worry, he just wants us to shop for his birthday. No one takes him seriously!
written by Keith Shirey, 22 December 2013
Here We Go Again!
Private military contractors got rich in Iraq and Afghanistan. With theU.S. now engaged in Africa, DynCorp, Blackwater, etc. have lush new contracts. "It's just like old times," said one mercenary.
written by Keith Shirey, 22 December 2013
Fla. Man Holds 'I Beat Women' Sign in Public After Attacking Woman
Beaten up by a group of women carrying canes and umbrellas later. Back next day with bandage, black eye.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
Saddam Hussein exhibit to go on display in Oklahoma City
Just in time for Christmas and New Years Eve! Some already lining up three days early!
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
Tom Cruise settles suit against tabloids
Now set to go after The Spoof writers....Uhoh! Tom Cruise may well be the best actor in history!
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
The weather is frightful!
Three die due to bad weather. 28 die of heart attacks from ominous forecast by Weather Channel.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
Boss at Acme Fires the Whole staff!
After no one admitted to replacing hemorrhoid meds in tube with Absorbine Jr. "One of you fired me up really good and now I'm firing you!"
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
Early Cookie Withdrawal
The first animal crackers removed from the animals was the giraffe. It's neck was so long that every one of them broke before the consumer could open the package!
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
True Facts From Snoops #123
According to Snoops: Whoopi Goldberg was named after the old Blues singer "Blind Whoopi Goldberg"!
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
Things you didn't know about reindeer #4
Reindeer hate the sound of bells jingling and go bezerk into a mad rage.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
Things you didn't know about reindeer #3
Reindeer smell out mistletoe easily and will kick anyone to death if standing under it.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
Things you didn't know about reindeer #2
Reindeer hate small people, especially if they are wearing pointy hats.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
Things you didn't know about reindeer
Never wear red around them as they will attack anyone wearing red.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
Obama says 1 million signed up for health care
Meanwhile, over 10 million sign to never watch A & E Channel again if "Ducks" leave!
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
Scientists angry over experiments making bird-flu virus more dangerous to humans.
Syria: That stuff is like the common cold compared to stuff we got hid all over the country here.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
Piers Morgan Pitiful
Charlie Daniels to Piers Morgan: 'You Wouldn't Last Five Minutes' in Swamps, backwoods...East Tennessee mountains!'
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
'X FACTOR' Finale Beaten By Charlie Brown.
President's rating below that of The Grinch Steals Christmas Again on Spanish station.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
Castro issues stern warning to entrepreneurs.
"You were born poor and you'll stay poor as the rest of us common people! Where's my caviar?"
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
PANIC HOUSE: Inside the $11.5 million nuke-proof doomsday bunker.
Family could come back out after 5-10 years of atomic dust settling and die off a lot slower.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
Ugandan anti-gay bill includes life imprisonment.
Serving with other gays should put a stop to all that nonsense!
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
'Robotic muscle' thousand times stronger than human!
Future soldiers may have to have real arms removed.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
VIDEO: Cop Threatens to Ticket Man for Washing Car -- In His Own Driveway.
Next thing you know you'll find one sitting in your bathroom making sure you wash your 'person'. (Tribute to Compo).
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
Confession By Comedy Star
Carol Burnett admits to doing Tarzan call in later movies. Also voice for Godzilla, Mothra, Milli Vanilli.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
TENSE: Chinese Military Lashes Out at Japanese Defense Plan.
China prepares nukes, Japan ready to awake Godzilla and her 1,000 children.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
MAG: Obamacare Falling Apart Before Our Eyes.
So what? Everything else is falling apart in Washington!
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
White House Tries to Prevent Judge From Ruling on Surveillance.
"We must get tabs on everybody in the United States, except the illegal aliens of course!"
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
CLAIM: Spike in Liver Injuries Tied to Dietary Supplements.
While all drugs perfectly safe, according to drug companies.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
Bulgarian tsunami hits the UK!
A Bulgarian/Balkan tsunami will hit the UK after the 1st of January causing all social services to barricade themselves in for 3 months hoping that the wave will then hit Germany!
written by unknown
Cuba will eliminate a currency pegged to the dollar -
And the peso to dollar ratio is so low that Cubans will now use cigars and sugar cane as a bartering system. Fidel's former fiddling around finally paid off!!!
written by Samuel Vargo, 22 December 2013
"Going to Africa. Hope I don't get AIDS. Just kidding. I'm white!"
Tweeted Justine Sacco, who was IAC's corporate communications director. Her tweet went viral and she's not going to Africa, but to the unemployment line after Duck Dynastying herself. Quack Quack.
written by Samuel Vargo, 22 December 2013
Samantha Power Seems Confused
The US emissary to the UN visited CAR, an orderless, African collapsed state with Jihadists in control everywhere, 1/2 mil. uprooted. She called for "free, contested" elections amidst the total chaos
written by Keith Shirey, 22 December 2013
Utah polygamist with 5 wives and 24 children gets reality TV series.
Gay husband converts to polygamist sect so he can have three more 'wives'.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2013
