How to turn a Red Blue!
Ask Moyes what he did to Robin van Persie?
written by Jaggedone, 13 December 2013
True facts from Snoops # 996
According to Snoops: Mannheim Steamroller say that their Kwanzaa CD is still in the works!
North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un Orders Half of North Korean Population to Execute the Other Half
Kim Jong Un announced today that half of the North Korean people are to execute the other half. He said that a lottery would be held to determine who would be the executors and who would be victims.
written by Al N., 13 December 2013
Iran quits nuclear talks protesting US blacklist move
Also, because Kerry's head too big. Had to have a mike in it somewhere. A black cat ran in front of the Ayatollah. Bad Dream!
U.S., Chinese warships narrowly avoid collision in South China Sea
Unknown Source: It was actually a game of "Chicken" and both turned at the last minute.
North Korea Executes Kim's Uncle
Grandmother's half sister on his cousin's side now missing according to someone not in the least related to Kim, nor is this writer.
Agent in Iran Missing
Ex-FBI agent missing in Iran is actually rogue agent for the CIA, according to Home Security leak.
Palin:Read My Lips, No New Taxes!
Pity that as we grow older we have to actually have to beg people to look at our body parts.
Stabbing Outside Denver Stadium
Nancy Pelosi: "Things like this wouldn't happen with more stricter gun laws!"
True Facts From Snoops # 444
According to Snoops: Child psychiatrists now say that telling a child that you have "gotten his nose" may lead to bedwetting the rest of their lives.
True facts from Snoops # 99
According to Snoops: Funerals in the future will mostly be by cremation. 1. Lack of space. 2. Ruining underground water sources. 3. Nuclear war doesn't leave much!
True Facts From Snoopps #330
According to Snoops: Early SOCO Team really messed up at the burned barn that housed Mrs. O'Leary's cow!
Nigella Lawson Accused Of Lying In Court
'The cooking time of that cake in your book was clearly untrue,' said the judge. 'That's why it was burnt around the edges when I took it out of the oven.'
Bots Now Account For Most Website Traffic
'If a real person happens to read your headline,' said a researcher, 'invite him or her to join the other twenty known, human web users at the Rose and Crown in Putney on Tuesday night.'
Retailers Hide Facial Recognition Cameras In Mannequins' Eyes To Track Shoppers.
So that's why we're seeing all those people slipping eyeshades on all the store mannequins!
Scientists create 'robotic sperm'.
And just where do we regular contributors to store our pint jars?
Beneath Yellowstone, a volcano that could wipe out USA.
Thanks a lot. Now we know where the first nuclear bomb will be aimed!
China to require pilots to learn to land in heavy smog.
Plus, they are training them to land in the correct airports!
James Bond is an alcoholic, docs say.
I would be too if I had to go through those close calls all my life. (Not now Cato!)
True Facts From Snoops: #288
According to Snoops: If you are ever swallowed by a big alligator, bend forward fast, because that backward back snapping can really smart.
Smoky Mountain History
During the 1930's everyone in the mountains were forced to move out to provide a national park. Each family received 2 acres elsewhere, $5,000 and a bear.
True Facts From Snoops: #444
According to Snoops: The Franklin stove was not named after Ben Franklin, but a John Ben Franklin. But HE named it after his Uncle Ben, because the stove was the same size as his Uncle.
Condo sells for $95 million.
However, new NYC condos will not have air conditioning. That would add another Million.
Doctors Discover 40-Year-Old Fetus Inside Woman.
The 38-year-old woman from Atlanta said that she had no idea that was going on inside her.
Al-Qaeda raises its black flag of rule in Iraq.
So should Afghanistan, and George Bush, Barack Obama forced to salute it!
16 Teens Arrested For Breaking Into Mansion, Throwing 'Ghost Party'.
Owners: "Those ghosts only came out after years of our saying it was safe. Now they're scared to death", say owners.
1.5 million docs not yet leaked?
NSA member: "We have already eaten our live frog in the mornings so nothing worse can happen for the rest of the day."
NSA Leaders Split on Giving Snowden Amnesty.
Half want him out of United States permanently, other half want him here where he can have an "accident".
4 People Stabbed In Stadium Lot After BRONCOS loss...
NFL to create "Stabbing", "No Stabbing" zones outside of all NFL Stadiums.
Chinese warship, US missile cruiser nearly collided in South China Sea standoff.#2
White House received message, "Can we blow them out of the water?"
Chinese warship, US missile cruiser nearly collided in Sourh China Sea standoff.
"We will just have to try harder next time. But it was a good start and all our weapons were ready", say both commanders.
CONGRESSWOMAN: Harder to recruit federal workers...
"Most of them say that they simply could not lie as often as we like. There's still some Goody Two-Shoes" out there."
Budget Passed by House Eases CUTS Both Parties Dislike.
You mean, that we went through a major shutdown, lost billions of dollars and people had to leave their park vacations because you couldn't have done this last year? Hope you all lose elections!
James Bond Drinks Four Times The Recommended Maximum Daily Alcohol Intake, Calculate Doctors
'Many 007 buffs conclude that Bond was born around 1920,' countered an alcohol industry spokesman. 'That puts him in his mid-nineties and still saving the world,so booze is clearly doing him no harm.'
Jay Leno Took It On The Chin
Jay Leno has just confessed that three years ago he had liposuction on his chin.
The Frugal Marilyn Monroe?
During her entire adult career Marilyn Monroe only owned a total of three bras.
Norway Says No To Pizzas
Norway outlawed pizzas in 1996, due to the infamous Pepperoni Scandal.
The Out-Of-Control Basketball Mascot
An NBA mascot has been fired after he allegedly molested two cheerleaders and a hot dog vendor.
Miley's Body Has Gotten Her In Trouble
The FCC is planning on hitting Miley Cyrus with a hefty fine due to the fact that she is showing way too much of her body on television.
Rihanna Is Just Addicted To Tattoos
Rihanna has hinted that she wants to get a tattoo of Beyonce's face on her hooha.
Justin Bieber's Big Secret
Justin Bieber has a secret collection of 52 Barbie Dolls.
The Politically Correct Paris Hilton
Paris Hilton says she is seriously thinking about going into politics.
That's Kobe (Bryant) For Ya
Kobe Bryant says that he cannot help it if he is the greatest basketball player on the face of the Earth.
Stan Laurel's Skinny Little Secret
Stan Laurel of the comedy team of Laurel and Hardy was anorexic.
Rush Limbaugh Doesn't Think That Smoking 12-Inch Cigars Makes Him Look Gay
Rush Limbaugh figures that if all of the 12-inch cigars he has smoked were laid end-to-end they would stretch from Fire Island, New York, to West Hollywood, California.
Ellen DeGeneres - The Semi-Lesbianite?
Ellen DeGeneres has stated that even though she is a lesbian she finds President Obama to be physically attractive.
Ann Coulter's Mouthy Confession
Ann Coulter recently revealed that she has never been French kissed.
CNN's Wolf The Fox
Wolf Blitzer says that growing up his nickname ironically was Fox.
The Truth About Those Pesky Mosquitoes
Mosquitoes have no sense of direction and usually crash into other mosquitoes.
Kim Jong Un Executes Whole Immediate Family
After having his uncle executed, Kim Jong Un ordered the rest of his immediate family to be shot. Afterwards, Kim laughed, and said "who's next?" Everyone laughed like their life depended on it.
written by Al N., 13 December 2013