Japan Signs trilateral agreement
Mothra and Godzilla agree to only fight each other in the future. Mothra singers close ceremony.
The Sixties Are Over
The last of the old hippy communes has moved out of California. Hope to get started elsewhere. Will check with The Farm in Tennessee for best place to go.
President Obama and First Lady Address Criticism
"None of the many mistakes have been our fault. It's the fault of those who voted for us."
Betty White Shakes Her Thing in Thanksgiving Music Video
Left the hospital this morning with her thing in a swing.
Homeless Man's Music Moves Listeners to Tears
"My goodness, what kind of music is that? Sounds like a my stomach after a two-week binge!"
In Some States, Gays Fight for Right to Divorce
Gay Divorces may outnumber marriages within five years some predict.
Before Death, Paul Walker Had Passion for Marine Biology, Charity
"Now he's lost all interests", says his best friend. "I always did play Paul McCartney to his John Lennon. He would have loved that one."
Detroit Is A Mess
"I hate to say it", says old timer, "but several of us here in the old hotel can't go to sleep at night unless we hear a gang fight."
True Facts From Snoops #509
According to Snoops: During the sugar and other rationing during World War Two, many housewives used Sugar Ants to make their cakes and pastries.
True Facts From Snoops #191
According to Snoops: Wink Martindale holds the world recorded for being slapped by females!
True Facts From Snoops #141
According to Snoops: A 14-foot alligator was killed recently in Africa. There were three pygmies inside but only one survived.
True Facts From Snoops #335
According to Snoops: Ghandi was once caught with a bag of Snickers hidden in his diaper!
President doesn't know which emergency to screw up next!
"Tonight I have decided to send my economic team to North Korea and Syria. That should give us a leg up."
Pelosi Answers The Call
"Hello! Is this important because I'm an important person you know? "Attention, Is there a John Ahrea on the House Floor? John Ahrea? Guess he went to the restroom!"
Democrats brace for more bad Obamacare news
We apologize but it's up and running so I guess you're stuck with it. Sorry.
72-Year-Old Man Terrorizes Punks
Apparently three would-be knock-out artists got a kick in the groin and face full of mace in Cleveland, Tennessee. "I knew what they were up to so I let them have it with the mace then with the boot!"
Officials: Worst tech bugs over for Healthcare.gov
"Now if we only had a decent health care plan to go with it.."
China launches its first moon rover.
And no moon-face jokes, please. Penalty: Write fortune cookies fortunes till you die.
Equity card needed to appear in screener
People standing up and going to the loo or letting people get past them in a Cinema when someone is filming a "Screener" behind them must from tomorrow hold Equity cards Dick Attleborough said.
written by Auntie Jean, 01 December 2013
Mitch McConnell Takes A Call #3
"Hello?" "I'll see. "Is There A Brook N. Roober on the Senate Floor? That's A Brook N. Roober on the Senate Floor?"
Mitch McConnell Takes A Call #2
"Hello! Who? Anita Dump? OK, Try to hang on. "Is There An Anita Dump on the Floor of the Senate?" "Anita Dump on the Senate Floor Please!"
Obamacare Call-Ins Better
The President says he finally realized what was happening. "I was trying to help. Once I got out of the way...." GOP: "From your mouth to our ears!"
Mitch McConnell Takes A Call
"Who do you want? Teresa Green or Ivan Tinkle? Either one? Attention on the senate Floor! Is there an Ivana Tinkle or Teresa Green on the floor at the present?"
Reid Gets The Call #3
"Yello! Who? I'll check. "Drew Peacock! You have a call from your Pharmacy! That's Drew Peacock!"
Reid Takes Another Call
"Hello! Who? Pat McGroin? Attention! Is there a Pat McGroin on the Senate floor?"
Harry Reid Takes The Call
"I'll get it. OK I'll see. Jacques E. Strap! Is there a Jacques E. Strap, you have a phone call!"
Cleveland Browns Owner Say's They Are Bound for the Super Bowl
"I already have all our tickets right here in my coat pocket."
Wild Walmart fight breaks out
Finally stopped by police, it flares up again at Target!
Doting Granddad Overspends With His Time And Money
Buys his six-month-old grandson a castle in Ireland. "He'll grow into it."
Officials say health care website is improved
"Of course, there was no other place for it to go. It had already hit bottom."
Pepsi has introduced a new snack food called Pepsi-flavored Cheetos.
Many say they really taste great and so easy to use after smoking a joint!
NFL Warns Teams Against Over-Celebration After Touchdowns
Players say that they're so doped up not to feel pain, they cannot help themselves. "I felt better over my broken leg so I danced!"
Radioactive Japanese wave nears USA.
Elderly Japanese: It's taken us 70 years but we are finally retaliating for Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
Deep Freeze: Nearly 1,000 Record Low Temperatures Set.
Several suffering frostbite while attending Global Warming Conference.
Company unveils robot security guards.
Digital era confounds the courts.
Actually, everything does. Plus, Ruth Bader Ginsburg sleeping around the clock doesn't help.
CBSNEWS: President lame duck already?
Most say he's more like a crippled turkey!
Incoming mayor faces immediate fiscal crisis.
No one special. They all do this in every city across America!
'KNOCKOUT' #10 IN NYC.
Drunk finally shaken awake in an alley and then knocked out.
POLL: Majority of Americans Distrust One Another.
I sure hope Mark puts this on here. You just never know.
HUNGER GAMES: Woman pulls stun gun in argument over WALMART shopping cart.
She was immediately surrounded by kids with light sabers!
00000000 for Armageddon: USA's top secret launch nuke launch code was frighteningly simple.
Even though outdated, Americans told to forget the number as a hacker may have inadvertically reconnected it.
True Facts From Snoops #138
According to Snoops: After the fifth apple had hit Sir Isaac Newton on the head, he moved his chair over under a maple tree.
True Facts From Snoops #790
According to Snoops: According to a Wall Street rumor, Old Navy has recently signed Popeye to represent them in all their commercials!
True Facts From Snoops #884
According to Snoops: In the last census of 2010, for the first time people who were mentally ill weren't referred to as "One Idiot".
Something Very Special
A waitress in Paducah, Kentucky says she will always remember the day that Elvis Presley stopped at her restaurant. "I asked him if he wanted a refill for his coffee and he said, "No, I'm OK!" WOW!!!"
True Facts From Snoops #618
According to Snoops: The Native American who cried during those old ecology commercials actual name was, "Blubber Butt".
True Facts From Snoops #433
According to Snoops: A turkey will actually laugh out loud at a 'You Know You're A Red Neck Turkey Joke' about his mate's mother.
True Facts From Snoops #764
According to Snoops: The frozen head of Walt Disney at the Cryonics Center wears Mickey Mouse ears!
Holiday Memories Help People Get Into the Spirit
In the meantime Holiday Spirits are causing some people to lose their memory.
Poll Reveals Americans Don't Trust Each Other Anymore
What an astonishing finding! How long has this been going on?
STUDY: Web Surfing Detracts from Other Activities
For example, I'm at work right now . . . . . . ohhh, shit! Gotta Go!
Sharon Osbourne's Plastic Surgery Confession: I Had My Vagina Tightened
Rumor has it that Ozzy performed "Sabbath Bloody Sabbath" during the procedure.
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West Go on a Black Friday Shopping Spree
The couple now being referred to by pop culture as Kimye were spotted shoving other customers out of the way in several stores, attempting to score hot deals. For the first time ever, West had no comment.
Cannibal Cop Arrested In Germany
Apparently when he was interviewed by detectives, he slipped up and put his "foot in his mouth" . . . . . .
correction, he had someone's foot in his mouth.
Women Get Into Black Friday Stun Gun Fight Inside the Mall
Several shoppers witnessed this shocking event.
Advent calendar tip
Buy two Advent Calendars and hide one so you can immediately eat all the chocolates.
written by Auntie Jean, 01 December 2013
Some Black Friday Shoppers Don't Pussy Foot Around
A security guard at a New York City Walmart caught a Black Friday shopper carrying a concealed mini-grenade launcher in his boxer shorts.
A woman in Baltimore claims she found an image of Miley Cyrus in her breakfast muffin.
Well, The Newness Did Wear Off A Long Time Ago
New Mexico in a move to differentiate itself from New York, New Jersey, and New Hampshire is considering changing its name to Great Mexico.
Walmart - Always On The Cusp of Technology
Reports are that due to the big number of fights, brawls, and beatings Walmart is considering doing away with the name Black Friday and calling it Free-For-All Friday.
Saying 'Cheese' Was A Darn Waste of Time
Kirstie Alley tried to take a selfie, but all that came out was her left ear lobe.
Sarah Palin Gets Knocked Back Down To Earth
Sarah Palin reportedly went into a Hollywood beauty salon to get a makeover and the receptionist asked, "What's the point?"
Rear-View Mirror Dice Are Included
Haiti has built a Mars type land rover that it wants to sell to the United States.
55-Year-Old German Police Officer Arrested For Cannabalism
German authorities are planning on sending the white cannibal cop into the cannabilistic jungles of Lower Zamgola, Africa.
That's One Thief That Will Learn 'His' Lesson
Denver Airport officials have stated that the recent baggage thief will be sent down to Juarez, Mexico where he will be incarcerated and most probably become the prison bitch.
Rush Limbaugh Says His Weight Gain Is Not Due To An Addiction
GOP radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh is denying the rumors that he has gained so much weight because of his alleged addiction to pickles.
Exploding Cigars Are Nothing
If you think an exploding cigar is funny, you should see an exploding e-cigar. The smokers face goes black, his nose glows as he does a little dance and falls on the floor. If he's not dead. Fun-nee!