Cops: Son beat father during argument over macaroni and cheese. Grandmother has rear end plugged over gas problems & it wouldn't come out.
Amazon Plans Drone Delivery
"You send anything over the South and they'll get shot down", says Atlanta Police Chief. "What did you get, Herm?" "I done shot me down a cellphone!"
Mitch McConnell Takes A Call #4
"Hello? Who? Lou Stools? I'll check. Attention! Is there Lou Stools on the floor? That's Lou Stools on the floor of the Senate?"
Iraq, Afghanistan Getting Back To Normal? #2
Taliban are beating women in the street again as our troops leave Iraq and Afghanistan. Today, Nancy Pelosi suddenly shouted, "Why is George Bush Allowing This??" Then walked slowly away from mike.
Iraq Getting Back To Normal?
Slowly Iraq is getting back to normal, for them. As U.S. troops leave, women are being beaten in the streets. What for? No reason, the Taliban say they are way behind in beating women.
Obamacare to bring cheaper drugs
"By purchasing more medication from Mexico, older people will get a break", says the President. "But exactly what's in the pills, don't blame me because it's not my fault."
Paraguay Leader Says He's From Uruguay
Think Obamacare is screwed up? Uruguay and Paraguay are claiming that each is in the other's land. After five years of meetings and measurements, apparently the Leader of Uruguay is now in Paraguay.
They Ate Dad!
Rest of family gets home safely from somewhere in Central America. "Dad threw a rock and hit some Quetzel, Pretsel Bird thing and they went wild. They let us do", says son. But not dad. They ate him."
Cuba Planning Big Celebration
"Won't be long until Fidel begins his second century", says Cuban General.
Scientist at Cryonics Center in Alaska Lonely
"I'd trade every frozen head in here for a woman!"
Haiti Still Hurting
"If only these people would let us help", says U.S. Ambassador with the six-inch head.
Putin Meets With Taliban
"Where does the time go?', says Taliban, shaking his head. "It seems like only yesterday we were killing each other by the thousands."
Nigeria Has Plenty of Oil
You can soon buy it by the bag in most American Quik Marts!
Ghana says Ivory Coast sent agents to kill exiles
Ivory Coast says Ghana Gotta Go if it tries to interfere with their country. Soap on sale through January 1st.
True Facts From Snoops #876
According to Snoops: Robert E. Lee's middle name was Eggfart!
True Facts From Snoops #421
According to Snoops: Not only did Elvis love banana and peanut butter sandwiches. He swooned over Lime Jello & Spam Pie!
Found! First Known Predator To Lure Prey By Mimicking Flowers
The orchid mantis, which resembles a flower, takes on this appearance in order to lure in prey, researchers say. Marvel: Spiderman on the lookout for any 'Orchid Mantis', female villain.
China Launches Jade Rabbit!
Korean Leader Kim: We launch one, we call our buggy Platinum Pussycat!
China launches lunar probe carrying 'Jade Rabbit' buggy
Kim Jong of North Korea: Wow! Jade Rabbit great name. What does it do? You get from Acme?
Sam Champion Leaves ABC News to Join The Weather Channel
"My husband and I want a fresh start", he tells fan.
True Facts From Snoops #492
According to Snoops: Lloyd, Beau and Jeff all hated the movie, "The Bridges of Madison County".
True Facts From Snoops #567
According to Snoops: Before Porky the Pig became famous, he served in the Army in WWII and worked the mine fields. He never stuttered once.
The Sledging Debate
Is there enough snow yet? Neh
written by Talking Tic-Tacs, 02 December 2013
Obama Surprises Holiday Shoppers on Small Business Saturday
Shows up at "I Love To Play Golf" Store!
Vice President Biden Flies to Asia Amid East China Tea Seasoning
I'm sorry. That should be: Vice President Biden Flies to Asia Amid East China Sea Tension! (On Airplane).
True Facts From Snoops #771
According to Snoops: The latest remake of "Three Stooges" was roughly based on the Churchill, Roosevelt, Stalin conference in Tehran during WWII.
True Facts From Snoops #821
According to Snoops: Before allowed to ride horses or use them to pull a buggy, Amish once ran to the store on stick horses!
Cyber Monday deals on phones, TVs
Also, silly-looking robot at the door or where the door used to be.
Islamic militants attack Nigerian air force base
Blow up both planes! "We're in for it now", says Military leader.
Harry Reid Answers Telephone
"Yello! Who? Never heard of him. Oh, he's to visit the Vice President today? OK I'll check. 'Is Mike Rotch On the floor of the Senate?" Mike Rotch! You have a call!"
The No-Surgery Facelift That Horrifies Surgeons
"Well, they'll horrify you too once you've seen one", says Doctor.
Is the worst over for HealthCare.gov?
Once it dies it'll be completely out of it's misery!
China labor camps now 'drug detox' centers.
"Might as well do a little work while they're in there detoxing", says Overseer.
Obamacare Enrollments fall 700,000 short of 800,000 goal...
Plus 50,000 have then cancelled policy once someone explains it to them.
Neighbors call cops on 'non-partisan' workers pitching Obamacare door-to-door.
"And, of course, they come right at lunch or dinner time", says one who handed the guy a turkey leg and slammed the door.
Iran Says 'Yes We Can' With New Obama-Like Video.
President: But they promised not to do that. I'm beginning to feel like Rodney Dangerfield.
Cash Donations Stolen from SALVATION ARMY.
Over a dozen bell ringers have had their bell rung!
Fast Food strikes called in 100 cities
McDonald's and Hardee's agree to slow down, but not they will not be responsible for long lines.
Black Friday Business Buzz - UFC Considering New Scouting Venue
Insiders say that after all of the brawling at Walmart this year executives with UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship) are sending talent scouts to Black Friday sales at the stores nationwide in 2014
Back in business!
The Spoof has reopened its dusty doors and our editor now claims he is Lazarus!
written by Jaggedone, 02 December 2013
Man Discovers Old Login Information for Myspace In Desk Drawer
"I figure I might logon at Myspace and catch up on those old friends that I never knew to begin with."
Retiree Explains Why Today's Stars Not "Edgy"
"So little miss Cyrus shakes her ass a bit on stage wearing vinyl booty shorts. Big deal. My generation was fully nude and getting it on in public back in '69!"
George Osborne Distances Himself From Assertion By Boris That Intelligence Is A factor In Economic Inequality
'It's like saying that the poor are poor because they're stupid,' said the Chancellor. 'If we say that, we'll never get votes from the idiot majority who are in financial hardship.'
written by Swan Morrison, 02 December 2013
Amazon Testing Unmanned Drones To Deliver Goods To Customers
'We may also work with the US Air Force to expand our service in Pakistan,' said an Amazon spokesman. 'A drone could deliver a couple of online orders and then move straight on to bomb the Taliban.'
written by Swan Morrison, 02 December 2013
Man Cited for Tossing $1000 Bills at Mall of America During Choir Performance of "Let it Snow"
"In hindsight I probably should have held onto a few of the bills to cover these court costs," said the man who was just trying to spread holiday cheer.
What About Quilting Bees
Scientists discourage children with news that there is no Spelling Bee. "They're right up there with 'Writing Spiders'. Of course, many have witnessed Quilting Bees in the old days, so they are real."
Reason For Obamacare Delays Solved
"It was the Butterball Turkey Hotline taking up all the calls and causing breakdowns", says Joe Biden, with a straight face.
William & Kate Baby Birth Quite A Night
Many of the royal peers and guests say that they had to take a day off from work the next day but went back to their working idleness a few days later.