Lancashire win 'bowl off'
After rain stopped play for the 50th day in succession, Lancashire won their twenty20 match against Somerset via a bowl off, producing a stunning range of Chinese rice dishes to seal it.
written by IainB, 31 July 2009
Cash For Cluckers!
Attention, married men! Receive a federal rebate by trading in your old hen for a fresh spring chicken!
written by Adam Click, 31 July 2009
I'm Like So Unemployed, Ya Know
"Oooh, I can't get like a job, like ya know. Hey, like I have an idea, ya know. There's like this TV show, 'American Idle' & I could win like a million bucks. Oooh, like I'm so smart<p>
Bamby Bimbo.
written by tlmedia, 31 July 2009
Mr. X Hates TheSpoof.com
Mr. X has stated in a recent interview with JonaBow Magazine that he hates TheSpoof.com because it only tells the truth!
written by unknown
Smells Funny!
130 people taken to the hospital after new worker at supermarket accidentally rolls the month portion of date stamp forward two months on "Best By Date" stamp.
written by Bureau, 31 July 2009
India Train Hold-Up
Authorities in India say that there is no trace of the terrorists who tried to hold up a train in India this morning as 2,000 people stampeded over them, repeatedly.
written by Bureau, 31 July 2009
World Getting Happier
New study reveals that the world is getting happier. Credit pills for depression, high alcohol consumption, mental illness, Tony Romo ditching Jessica Simpson.
written by Bureau, 31 July 2009
What's That Again?
United States Air Force discovers that one of three "checks" that relays long launch code numbers to final countdown to launching nuclear weapons to defend the nation, stutters.
written by Bureau, 31 July 2009
He Finally Made Their Cover
Conservative magazine has finally put Obama on front cover with pic from last night's beer conference, pissing on White House wall.
written by Bureau, 31 July 2009
Beer Conference At White House Goes Well
Three beer drinkers at White House last night had so much fun that they've agreed to meet at Rush Limbaughs house in Florida next time and pop a few pain pills.
written by Bureau, 31 July 2009
Obama Outdoes Clintons Once Again
Obama's 12th appearance on the cover of Time magazine beats President's Clinton's record of 11 appearances on the cover of Playboy magazine.
written by Bureau, 31 July 2009
Obama Answers Time Critics
Conservatives are criticizing Time magazine because they've put President Obama on the cover for the 12th time in the last year. Obama responds that Oprah has been on all of the magazines she owns.
written by Bureau, 31 July 2009
7-Year-Old Boy Escapes
Boy, 7, steals his father's car and becomes involved in a 40mph police chase... all to avoid church, grinning priest.
written by Bureau, 31 July 2009
Facelift Cure-All?
Could a facelift put an end to your migraines, acne, toe fungus, hangnails, people calling you the wrong sex? One hour surgery offers hope to millions.
written by Bureau, 31 July 2009
Sounds Like The Swine Flu
Tamiflu does have side effects, admits top doctor, as patients suffer chills, fever, nightmares and nausea.
written by Bureau, 31 July 2009
Government Come Up With More Fees
Motorists to pay £250 for parking at work under another new Government scheme. Next, £2 fee for opening door to workplace.
written by Bureau, 31 July 2009
Outcome Within An Hour
A urine test can diagnose the sexually transmitted infection chlamydia in men within an hour, enabling on-the-spot treatment in new small booths in red light districts.
written by Bureau, 31 July 2009
Pelosi Looked Surprised
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi looked surprised after members of the Senate announced they are considering a tax on cosmetic surgery. Of course, she looked surprised before they announced it also.
written by Bureau, 31 July 2009
Miley Cyrus Had Nothing To Do With Sex-Tape Scandal!
Disney doll Miley Cyrus has clearly explained that she "had nothing at all to do with the sex tape that shows a Miley-look-alike having the thing with teen heartthrob Nickolas Jonas.
written by unknown
N.Z. Reconsiders Smacking As Offense
New Zealanders are voting on whether parental smacking of children should remain a criminal offense, but back-handing still illegal.
written by Bureau, 31 July 2009
UK Bans Private Organ Transplants, Except Temperary Ones During Sex
The government says it will ban all private transplants of organs from dead donors in the UK. Police raid six "back alley" organ transplant facilities.
written by Bureau, 31 July 2009
Sect Leader Accidentally Killed
A Nigerian government minister has expressed relief at the death of an Islamic sect leader whose capture police announced on Thursday, but died when soldier tripped and shot him thirteen times.
written by Bureau, 31 July 2009
Journal Admits Mistake
Journal now retracts study that claimed to make sperm. One of the scientists apparently shot his wad when he thought it really was successful.
written by Bureau, 31 July 2009
Far-Reaching Food Bill Passed
House passes far-reaching food safety bill. Children MUST eat their vegetables or parents will be fined and thrown into jail.
written by Bureau, 31 July 2009
Bridge Overpass
AP IMPACT: Bad bridges, for the most part, have been passed over for stimulus cash.
written by Bureau, 31 July 2009
Americans Using Alternative Meds
Americans spend $34B for alternative medicine, with legal marijuana, ginseng root being the leading favorites.
written by Bureau, 31 July 2009
Try Again Another Time
Harvard prof, arresting policeman to talk again, after drunken brawl last night that left all three plastered.
written by Bureau, 31 July 2009
My Wife Just Jumped To Her Death...
And I'm so in grief...sob...sob...It was such a beautiful Rolex I'd just given her. If I knew, I'd bought a Timex. People can be so unappreciative. I'll get her and skip her funeral. Revenge is sweet
written by tlmedia, 31 July 2009
Obama Breaks Another Law
I can't believe he'd have a couple of beers with the Harvard Prof. and the cop. Can't he read signs? "No alcoholic beverages allowed on the White House lawn. Oh...the arrogance of power!!!
written by tlmedia, 31 July 2009
Mass Times Ass, Ha Ha Ha!
Scientists in upper state New York apparently entered the wrong building last week thinking it was a Think Tank, came out giggling yesterday and tried to explain the Big Bong Theory!
written by Bureau, 31 July 2009
Losers Get Letters
Contestants on American Idol, who were eliminated in the first round, have been sent condolence letters with notice that they are "America's Unsung Heroes".
written by Bureau, 31 July 2009
US Workers Wasteful
Workers in the United States waste up to 25% of their work day according to 75% completion of a new survey.
written by Bureau, 31 July 2009
Texting While Driving Law Challenged
Erratically driving motorist was stopped by police and cited for "texting while driving." A challenge was entered as the citation stated "using a cell phone", but the person was using a laptop.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 31 July 2009
All Government Employees to Utilize Public Option
President Obama mandates all civilian government employees to enroll in the public option of the Health Care Reform bill. All three branches of the federal government, no exceptions, are included.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 31 July 2009
Shark Attack Bill Debated
President Obama asks Congress for a Shark Attack Reform bill that covers all 50 states. House Speaker Pelosi vows to get this bill passed before the August summer recess begins.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 31 July 2009
Pelosi to Run for San Francisco Mayor
Next change in Washington DC is Republicans sweeping the House of Representatives in 2010. Speaker Pelosi said "she will then run for Mayor of San Francisco as a conservative, against Mayor Newsome."
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 31 July 2009
Evolution is Effecting Loons
As the health care debate intensifies Darwinian evolution is occurring. Democratic left wing Loons are morphing into Emus, sticking their heads in the sand to avoid defending specific bill sections.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 31 July 2009
Rowdy Beer Party Broken Up
Based on complaints from neighbors, Washington DC police broke up a beer party on the lawn of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. A police spokesperson said "we have a zero tolerance policy in this city."
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 31 July 2009
