Pelosi Cracking?
Friends & colleagues of Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi say pressure of health plan, not being able to shut eyes because of botox getting to her as she used a hand puppet to close today's meeting.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2009
"Them Old White House Blues"
President Obama invited Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates and the police officer who arrested him to the White House for a beer and several songs by the trio say Insiders.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2009
Arnold to Madonna
You Girly Men are really starting to piss me off.
written by Charpa93, 29 July 2009
Things Don't Look Good
Iraq, Afghanistan wars may be in news for awhile as copy of orders for three more boxes of "Metals Of Honor" slipped to reporter.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2009
Thought We Burned Those
NSAA finds secret old films, unopened since 1970, which show two astronauts drunk and floating around the cabin naked as Jaybirds.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2009
Armstrong Finishes Third
Lance Armstrong finishes third in this year's Tour de France, just behind Barry Bonds and first place winner, Sammy Sosa.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2009
Health Care Progress Seen!
Health care progress seen on Capitol Hill. Look closely into Obama, Pelosi's eyes and see the government control sparklers.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2009
Organic Food No Better
Organic food has no nutritional or health benefits over ordinary food, according to a major study published Wednesday.
Plus the ordinary food gives your all those wonderful extras, like bug killers.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2009
I Support The Youth In Asia. Yes I Do!
"Oh, did you say EUTHANASIA, never mind!
written by tlmedia, 29 July 2009
Dry Cleaner to Glenn Beck:
Your white robes have been cleaned and are ready for pickup.
written by Charpa93, 29 July 2009
I Just Bought My My First Computer...
...and the box said there was a "mouse" inside. "Mouse? I don't want a rodent in my new PC," so a put some dCon inside. Haven't seen one yet! Hey, don't mess around with a genius!
written by tlmedia, 29 July 2009
Obama Kung Fu
A potential fight for charity match with Obama taking on Gordon Brown moved a step closer today when Obama took a Kung Fu lesson. When asked about the charity fight he said, never say never.
written by Hoskinator, 29 July 2009
New Ford Innovations Bringing In Sales
The Ford Motor Company sales continue to increase due to innovations, says CEO. "For instance, there's a model we sell in the Middle East that flies into a million pieces once it explodes.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2009
The Bro Is Here
Bra for men gaining popularity in Japan. Also, high heels, wigs, silky stockings among several.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2009
Chocolate Bars Could Shrink
Chocolate bars could be made smaller to help fight obesity. Just hope the public doesn't catch on to eating twice as many.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2009
Manchester Leads In Burglaries
The burglary map of Britain: Manchester tops crime league of shame. Convicted criminals to wear a tattooed "B".
written by Bureau, 29 July 2009
Really Small Tornado
Cars flipped and roofs ripped from houses as mini-tornado batters Old Man MacTavish' place on Scottish isle.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2009
Cameron Apologises
David Cameron forced to apologise after swearing TWICE during radio interview and over 200 times during newscast replays.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2009
Woe Is The Car Maker
Woes continue for world car makers! "Giddy-ups" not doing much better.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2009
US/China Committed To Trade
The US and China are committed to fighting protectionism, US Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner has said following two days of high-level beer talks.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2009
Sudanese Woman Faces Lashings
A Sudanese woman who is due to appear in court in Khartoum says she faces up to 40 lashes for wearing trousers in public being improper. Trousers will be lowered for public lashings.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2009
China Rebuilding Sex Theme Park?
China now says it may rebuild that Sex Theme Park that is mostly for the health of their youth. Apparently it will have roller coasters, etc. The name being discussed so far will be "Hornywood".
written by Bureau, 29 July 2009
Breathing causes Death
Scientists have confirmed that breathing will lead to premature death. After studying people who breath, evidence indicate 100 percent of people who drew breath, died sometime later.
written by Hoskinator, 29 July 2009
Fly escapes Obama's Swot team
Obama tried to swat a fly which landed on his arm during an interview today, only for the fly to evade the hand of Obama. Media experts announce this to be the end of the Obama honey moon period
written by Hoskinator, 29 July 2009
Another Energy Saving Tip From "Dr. Green."
When washing dishes do a lot of small loads. Your machine will clean them in seconds, saving tons of water....Dr. Elmer Green, Dir. of Conservation, Acme Water Company. "You Save, We Make More Money."
written by tlmedia, 29 July 2009
Read One Book 25 Times
An avid reader in south west Scotland is on the brink of borrowing her 25,000th book from her local libraries. Half of life savings spent on "late" charges.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2009
Barcodes In Britain
Barcodes to help identify plants in Britain, also may be used on pub customers to keep tabs on how many drinks they've had.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2009
India Outlaws Stunts
Schools in the southern Indian state of Tamil Nadu are to be instructed not to stage events with "risky" stunts, an official told the BBC. Stuntman Evel Kapaali objects!
written by Bureau, 29 July 2009
Speed Limits, Arguing Lead To 12,500 More Deaths
Higher U.S. speed limit, drivers mad and arguing with Rush Limbaugh on car radio, linked to 12,500 more deaths
written by Bureau, 29 July 2009
Honda Sales Down
Honda profit plunges in Q1 but raises forecasts. Blame the Elements for people not shopping during the first three months of 2009.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2009
Ireland Adopts Two
Ireland to take 2 Guantanamo inmates. Plan to take them to a pub, have a beer and talk things out.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2009
Dental Fillings Not So Risky
FDA concludes mercury in dental fillings not risky. So you can go have the dentist put the fillings back in.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2009
Madoff: Can't Believe Stupidy Out There
Madoff: Can't believe fraud lasted so long. P.T. Barnum was wrong. There's a sucker born every second.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2009
Obama Wants Health Care
Obama takes health care pitch to people again. May take his "Beerside Chats" to the airwaves again this week.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2009
Hilary Duff's "Wake Up" Is Still #1 On AOL?
AOL has apologized for keeping Hilary Duff's 2005 summer smash hit "Wake Up" at #1 until now.
written by unknown
Hulk Hogan Divorce Final
"Linda Got Everything" he says. Sources close to the Hulk say that he has bought a doublewide at the Holiday Shores Trailer Park, a 55 and older community, and plans on dating within his age bracket.
written by Charpa93, 29 July 2009
If You Ever Come To Judas, NC.....
...don't trust a soul and they all play banjos.
written by tlmedia, 29 July 2009
Premiere Obama Responds to Glenn Beck Calling Him A Racist
"Who let that honkey cracker on the air? Why that pasty face be talking 'bout me? Use the Patriot Act and shut his white ass down!"
written by unknown
Big City Politics
I'm sure glad we moved to the big city! Democratic far left elitist loons pretend to know the answers to every problem. They are so smart they think "Jack Shit" is a cheese eaten with Caviar!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 29 July 2009
Health Care Reform Bill is Like Mystery Meat
Speaker Pelosi said "the unread 1018 page Health Care Reform bill is like mystery meat, you have to trust the elitist cooks!" To which Thomas Jefferson replied "Delay is preferable to error."
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 29 July 2009
Political Chinese Food
When you email your Congressman about an issue, do you get a response that is like eating Chinese food? You know what you ordered, but the plate of food delivered is like eating the paper carton!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 29 July 2009
Greenpeace Plan So-So
Greenpeace announces that the results of Flushless Friday mixed but mostly just led to Plumber's Monday.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2009
Clinton Back In Trailer Park
Ex-President Bill Clinton bravely volunteers for the 42nd time to examine FEMA trailers and see how people are doing.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2009
Maybe Next Year
No clear winner in this year's first Annual Ronald Reagan Look-Alike contest in Tampico, Illinois.
written by Bureau, 29 July 2009
