Julia Child Exhibit Gets New Stuff
Julia Child kitchen at Smithsonian gets new items: handcuffs, invisible ink container, ten bugging devices, her License To Kill, multi-ID's, code book, decoder ring and several arsenic capsules.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Hubble Shows Debris
Hubble image shows debris from Jupiter collision. On earth, debris from Billy Joel hitting another guard rail.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Agents After Jackson's Doctor
Agents descend on Vegas home of Jackson doctor looking for drugs. Others raid his pharmacy in California.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Favre Not A Viking
Vikings coach says QB Brett Favre not coming back according to AP. Cleveland Indians immediately ask if he's ever pitched!
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Ye Auld Clunker Days
Clunkers' program draws car buyers in first days although several trade clunkers on the way in.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Obama: Russia Join NATO? Come Over & Have A Beer!
Obama administration says Russia could join NATO. Build one big missile shield over US, Europe and Russia. But they must first promise not to launch missiles under the shield.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Scientist Attacked By Fossil
Scientist at beach tells students: Oldest animal fossils found in lakes, not oceans! He's immediately attacked by Joan Rivers with beach umbrella, who was sitting in a lawn chair taking in the sun.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Earth Could Be Hit
Could Earth be hit, like Jupiter just was? Scientists say, "Any day now, but earth a lot smaller target so it has a better chance of being missed. Then again, a hit like that would wipe earth out."
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Health Bill Provides Choices
Op-Ed: Health reform will give Americans more choices. They can purchase from the government for half price or they can purchase from independent insurance companies and pay double.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Like Father, Like Daughter
Following in their father's footsteps, who exchanged the same Christmas card for thirty-nine years, daughters relay same e-mail joke with virus over 10,000 times the past seven years.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
28-Year-Old Woman Told to Prove Her Age
A 28-year-old woman was asked to prove her age when she bought a pizza-cutter or from a Derby M&S store. REMEMBER: "This ain't just an ordinary pizza-cutter, this is an M&S pizza cutter!"
written by IN SEINE, 28 July 2009
Natural Aphrodisiacs Combined
Scientists say that combination rhino's horn powder, ginseng root and oyster pills for erections a total flop!
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
The Ford Flyer
Tail fins are back as the Ford Motor Company introduces the first gasoline/wind energy hybrid.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Bin Laden Forgotten
In his latest attempt to get his message over to the public, Osama bin Laden yodels, clogs and removes mattress 'do not remove' tag.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
I Have A Marriage Commitment Problem, And....
I was once married for 3 minutes so I had an attorney standing behind the pastor....no dummy here.
written by tlmedia, 28 July 2009
Royal Bank of Scotland to Reimburse Customers Charged Double
The RBS to reimburse all customers who have been charged double due to an electronic mixup - that it is all EXCEPT Sir Fred Goodwin! (They've got to claw back some of the money somehow).
written by IN SEINE, 28 July 2009
Lots Of Modern Accidents
Study: Four times as many accidents when using cellphone than driving drunk. Also, using computers while in bathroom stalls causes more accidents from people pulling up pants before logging off.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
That's How You Take Them!
Young lady from up in the hills tells policemen who arrested her behind a pharmacy that she believes that there drugster lied when he told her how to take her bare aspirins.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
GOP Taken Over By Southeners
Voinovich: The Republican Party's 'being taken over by Southerners'. GOP answers: "Taint dun hit!"
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
San Diego Chicken Banned
The San Diego Chicken barred from any future Comic Cons after attempted flogging of several Anime characters.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Trucker Texting Worse
Texting riskier for truckers, since they're driving those big old rigs, 10-4 Good Buddy over and out, study finds.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
GOP Cheered Up
Republicans, who have been a little "down" lately cheered that Obama's approval ratings now below 90%!
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Talks With Taliban Shortened
PAPER: USA, British envoys attempting to open talks with Taliban found alive but missing all their teeth. "Mumpf sed bad werd", mouths one blowing soap bubbles.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Cave Drawings In France
Cave in France discovered that has ancient human drawings of Neanderthal with 'Tast lik chikin' on the wall.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Birthers Gain Support
Birthers, who think the President not a natural born citizen, have gained an ally with the discovery of Obama's manger site beneath the Dome of the Rock in Jerusalem.
written by Nailer, 28 July 2009
Bush Bored To Death
George Bush: They can land a man on the moon but they can't find diddly squat for ex-presidents to do. Hand me a hammer Laura, I'm going to see Carter. Not the sledge hammer, I'm only Driving Nails.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Obama's New Peace Plan
President Barack Obama invites Tony Romo, Jessica Simpson to come over to the White House for a beer.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Life On Mars
Life discovered on Mars as Mars Rover leaves poop all over the surface and he has worms.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Miguel Karam Says He Feels Bored Sometimes
Lebanese teen sensation Miguel Karam has confessed that he sometimes feels "bored" from what he's doing but "it's like an addiction, can't stop it!"
written by unknown
Beware Their Rabbit Tricks
Mac the 'miracle' dog survives after falling 40ft off cliff chasing rabbits. "Glad he's OK says Vet who examined him. Rabbits here on the Isle of Wight have tricked twelve dogs before this one."
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Worth A try
The blue M&M... A magic pill for spine injuries? The yellow one for jaundice? Maybe so, says candy company.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Library/Church Wars
Library chiefs ban Sunday school posters because they 'promote religion'. Churches retaliate by banning students from libraries because librarians could damage eyesight!
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Not Legal Yet
Police in California say that marijuana not yet legalized and burn millions of dollars in pot as hempers flare.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
New Worker's Holiday
A new bank holiday is among the options being considered by the Government to commemorate people killed at work. Highest job risk: Prostitutes, police, soldiers.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Rantzen Will Run For MP
Esther Rantzen confirms she will stand as MP despite being warned 'you are crazy'. "That never stopped half of ones in office now."
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Britain Not Prepared?
Britain not prepared for 'second wave' of swine flu, say peers as they secretly admit that the second wave could be a tsunami.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Home Schooling In The Fall
BBC could be forced to screen lessons if swine flu shuts down schools. Lessons to be interspersed with flash nude pics to keep students attention on screen.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Little Guy Catches It Again
Families paying £1,800 a year too much for mortgages as banks fail to pass on rate cuts in great home-loan rip-off! "Second verse, same as the first".
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Cohen Threatened
Brüno star Sacha Baron Cohen threatened by Gaza militant group over 'mocking' interview, portraying Mohammad in long johns.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Tobey McGuire Wants Revenge
Tobey McGuire is seeking revenge on the studios and production companies behind the "Spider-Man" saga for not paying him enough money!
written by unknown
Swine Flu Placebos Mutating
The swine flu virus has reached 160 countries and could infect two billion people within the next two years, the World Health Organization has said. Claims vaccine/placebo bollocks for many cases.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Home Prices Rise As Fewer Available
Home prices in England and Wales have risen month-on-month for the first time since January 2008, according to the Wheelie Bin Registry.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Two Injured Soldiers Overpaid.
The Ministry of Defence (MoD) has gone to the Court of Appeal to try to significantly reduce the compensation awarded to two injured soldiers as guy who caught the GI Shits awarded £46,000.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Zuma's Daughter On Soap Opera
Jacob Zuma's daughter, Gugulethu is to make her debut on one of South Africa's most popular soap operas, "As The Head On The Stick Turns".
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
UK Turns Over Torture Files
UK urged to reveal 'torture' file. Prime Minister to turn over key to over 50 underground rooms containing 1,000 years of mostly hard to read mildewed script.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
'HAHA' Heads To The Office!
Indian star 'HAHA' heads to hit American TV show "The Office" where he will play a freakin' guru!
written by unknown
Milk Products Lenghthen Lives
Children who eat plenty of dairy foods such as milk and cheese can expect to live longer, a study suggests. Cheese doodles and creamy milk chocolate candy bars immediately added to school menus.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
US-Israeli Talks Advancing
US-Israeli talks make 'progress', especially after the arrival of Hebrew/English interpreters.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Police Protection Down
AP sources: Only 1 in 7 agencies to get police aid. However, the other 6 are now being handed out automatic weapons.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Prison Not So Bad
Prison consultants help inmates get good digs. Several hundred now being housed in emptied, bankrupted gated communities with guards.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Airlines, Storks Meet To Plan Routes
Investigators say that stork carrying new baby sucked into airplane engine a double tragedy.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Shootout In Baghdad
Gunmen kill 8 in Baghdad bank robbery, police say. Believed to be the work of Uday and Qusay James Gang.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Tipper Worried About Al Gore
Al Gore said to be suffering from "Environmental Depression" or Common Tree-Hugitis! Keeps looking at the sky and cheering on the cloud cover. Been learning native American rain dances.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Police Question Bugs M. Jackson's Doctor
AP source: Jackson's doc gave him drug before death. "I remember him saying, 'Naaaa, What's that, Doc?' answers personal physician.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Obama's Birth Certified Approved
Hawaii again declares Obama birth certificate real, but still won't show the original to anyone. "It states right here in print, 'Brock Holsten Obama'."
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Japan Breaks No Boundaries
"Japan Breaks No Boundaries" is the title of the new Madonna album that will be released this december.
written by unknown
Amy Stole Coke
Amy Winehouse stole coke from Kate Moss's bag even although she prefers pepsi.
written by SPECTRUM, 28 July 2009
China Announces that Lead is Green
Sierra Club of China studied the element Lead in conjunction with a UN group that espouses global warming. They have found that Lead is not toxic, good for people and Chinese products are "Green!"
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 28 July 2009
Health Care Coverage Explained
President Obama says the Health Care Reform bill will be revenue neutral. The bill covers the current 47M uninsured, but now precludes the 45M middle class Americans who must still pay the tab.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 28 July 2009
Ties To Taliban
Agents say that Chicago man who died in suicide explosion in Baghdad last week may have been connected to the Taliban but is no longer connected anywhere.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Cronkite Wanted Coverage, Got It
Close friends say that Cronkite had always wanted to be the one to cover his own funeral, "And that's the way he was".
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Another Tribute To Michael
Economists: Thirteen well-paid cosmetic surgeons have already gone out of business since Michael Jackson's death.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Taco Bell's Swine Move Not Working
Taco Bell Chihuahua's replacement, a pig named Fluellen, not working out well, actually losing customers.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
Latoya For Toyota
Latoya Jackson may soon be doing commercials for Toyota if director, actors can their get tongues untwisted.
written by Bureau, 28 July 2009
