McCain Pit Crew Impressive
Although many were impressed at the Republican convention
with VP nominee, Sarah Palin, even more applauded John McCain's pit crew, who changed his adult diapers in an average 4.6 seconds.
written by Bureau, 06 September 2008
Floodline call centre is to close
The UK Floodline call centre is to close today because it has been flooded itself - a] by worried callers b] it is currently under 4 feet of water and manned by scuba divers.
UK drought forecast
A drought has been forecast throughout Great Britain for two hours tomorrow. There will be a hosepipe ban in force between 06:00-08:00hrs BST.
Barking Mad Man Dies in Fall From Couch!
A Bristol woman reported her afflicted husband died while watching the telly. "He was watching Benny Hill reruns when he got the urge to lick his balls and took a bad tumble." Bestiality was cited.
OSHA Cites FEMA for Inadequate Trailer Egress Doors!
Claiming a national emergency, OSHA claims single wide trailer doors are inadequate for the average American woman in the event of an emergency. FEMA says it will comply by upgrading to doublewides.
At 3 A.M. No Democrats at Home to Answer Phone!
Message to Homeland Security from Dems:" Don't call us in the middle of the night if there's a problem-we could be anywhere." Dem. Social Director Kwame Kilpatrick said he's on TOP of the problem.
UK Power companies are refusing to release some of their 'windfall' tax because they claim there has simply been not enough wind.
Obama Explores Monarchy Alternative for Colonies!
Claiming the US election process is unstable, Obama said he is exploring the possibility of returning to a Monarchy. Recent DNA tests of Obama link him to Prince Charles. "I'm all ears, " he said.
Myrtle Beach to Bikers: Go Poop on Someone Elses Beaches!
Myrtle Beach's infamous bike weeks which over 500,000 motorcyclists attend, are in jeopardy. Town Council passed a law prohibiting public defecation, and a helmet law. Message: GO SHIT IN YOUR HAT!
South Carolina Population Swells after Russian Invasion of Georgia!
SC officials said their border crossings have been inundated by evacuees from Alabama and Florida. Gov. says he will remove missiles from Pawleys Island to induce the Russians to leave peacefully.
NAACP Sues Media for Racial Comments!
The NAACP announced it would be suing several media outlets for the term "Dark Horse" candidate in referring to Sarah Palin. The group cited copyright infringement .
Hillary Prepares for 2008 Election Run With New Image!
Citing an 18 Million Vote Mandate, Hillary Clinton kicked off her 08 campaign with several announcements: joins NRA, divorces Bill, signs off on drilling, shoots and dresses out squirrel in backyard.
Tony Blair's Bodyguard Forgets Gun After BM in Restroom!
A crack female British security agent was reassigned after forgetting to reholster her Glock , leaving it on a restroom floor. The next patron discovered the weapon and noted she hadn't flushed!
IRS Disavows Bill's Writeoff of Hillary's ASS!
The IRS announced that it was declaring Hillary Clinton's ass and ASSET and not a LIABILITY as claimed by Bill on his 2007 tax returns. The IRS cited Michelle Obama as the reason for its decision.
It is said TV alone cannot drive someone to drugs. Well not in my house. As soon as Norton comes on telly everyone in the house heads for the needles and syringes. Mind you, we are a family of diabetics.
I have never been able to understand all the fuss that is made over Ian Brady. Anyone would think he is a monster. As far as I am concerned he is the best midfielder Arsenal have ever had.
No More Honey
It's ridiculous that Honey is to be axed from Eastenders.
Now that I have found out Stacey smokes in real life, Billy's pretty young wife is the only one left worth having a Jangle over.
Politics Causes Heart Attack
Singing duo Heart lashes out against the Republican Party for using their hit song, "Barracuda," without permission.
A Chemical in Everyday Plastics Is Linked to Health Problems in Monkeys
Spoof writer Monkey Woods is furious. Issues press release stating, "Those plastics should have been tried out on humans before monkeys used them."
Several Executives of Troubled Mortgage Giant Fannie Mae Are Shown the Door
On the way out, they get slapped on their fannies.