McCain Suspends Campaign, Asks for Debate Postponement.
Obama agrees, suggests McCain take the whole month off.
written by Jill The Shill, 24 September 2008
Clay Aiken comes out as straight
"It's true!" gushed the former winner of American Idol. "My shoes don't even match my shirt!"
written by ScottThe Dot, 24 September 2008
Football Widows Complain
A group of football widows say that not only are they left alone for much of the weekend during football season, but there's no romance at night, especially hating the phrase, "two-minute warning".
written by Bureau, 24 September 2008
Ben & Jerry's Respond to PETA Request
The PETA organization has urged Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream to begin using human milk. In response, Ben & Jerry's has announced their new "Tit O'Honey" will be out in January.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2008
Adesso Announcement
Adesso announced it's new Cyber Tablet M14 this morning and also informed potential customers that the new version tablet is also available in capsule form and liquid gel tabs.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2008
King George
President Bush will address the country in a prime time telecast and talk about the financial, economical, and grammatical mess he has gotten us into.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 September 2008
Nicole Kidman reveals why she called her daughter 'Sunday Rose'
"I called her Sunday, because she was conceived on a Sunday and 'Rose' because my hubby, Keith, rose to the occassion." she claims.
written by IN SEINE, 24 September 2008
More stars follow Clay Aiken and Lindsay Lohan as they come out of the closet on same day.
It is unknown if this is truthful, or if they just need the added publicity, but new persons outing themselves include Bobby from Brady Bunch, Potsie from Happy Days, and Plank from Ed, Edd, and Eddy.
written by unknown
Ruth Kelly to step down
Labour's Transport minister, Ruth Kelly is to step down to look after her children who live in the basement of her London home.
written by IN SEINE, 24 September 2008
Rising Prices
With today's rising prices, the ONLY things that remain stationary are paper and envelopes.
written by IN SEINE, 24 September 2008
Report From Google Earth
Google Earth reported this morning that there are now some fifty-five million ants in Blackburn, Lancashire, and though
their holes were rather small, they managed to count them all.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2008
Iran Blames United States
While speaking at the U.N. this week, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad blamed the United States for the world market collapse, and Israel everything else.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2008
Simmons Gene Isolated
Scientists today announced that they have isolated the Simmons Gene that causes people to have extremely long tongues and wear heavy make-up.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2008
Restrictions Relaxed
To help speed up air flight check-ins, the U.S. Government has approved the carrying aboard of one gun per customer. However, each must sign a statement saying it is only for defensive purposes.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2008
Benefits of Alcohol
A new study has reaffirmed that alcohol consumed in moderation is very healthy for you, but extremely boring.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2008
Barney Frank, (D) Mass. Pats self on back for job well done:
Chairman of House Financial Services Com. Barney Frank said: "Thank God for Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae. Millions of people with no credit or stable jobs, were able to buy homes at sub-prime rates".
written by Leslie Mintz , 24 September 2008
Nader Changes Name
Ralph Nader, hoping to improve his image before the November Presidential election, has legally changed his first name to Darth.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2008
Egyptian Statue Found
Egyptian archaeologists have discovered a granite statue probably depicting the head of Ramses II, and looking more than a little like John McCain, the country's culture ministry said on Wednesday.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2008
Charges of discrimination filed in Chinese tainted milk case
Community organizers are upset that they have not been mentioned.
written by unknown
Current Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Nominees List Surprises Everyone
Notably missing are Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin, and The Dark Knight, which seem to dominate the rest of the news and therefore must be mentioned in this story.
written by unknown
Long suspected of being gay, Clay Aiken officially comes out of closet
"I figured that if Rosie O'Donnell, Ellen Degeneres, and Lindsay Lohan all liked women, there must be something wrong with them."
written by unknown
Federal Raid In Kentucky
Federal agents raided a Purdue Chicken plant in Crumwell, Kentucky yesterday and discovered 55 illegal Guatemalans as well as over 500 illegal chickens from Chickenslavakia inside the plant.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2008
New Zardari Orders
New Pakastan President Asif Ali Zardari has ordered his army to fire on U.S. troops should they cross the border and get too close to Bin Ladin's cave.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2008
Biden Changing Image
After a huge rally Monday for GOP Vice-Presidential candidate, Sarah Palin, Democratic nominee Joe Biden has began to wear his hair plugs in a bun.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2008
Pain in the 'neck
Sarah Palin is to undergo surgery to have the letter L removed from her surname. She had thought it was a vowel problem but now she complains of consonant pain.
written by Midgetgems, 24 September 2008
Sarah Palin Meets with Nine Heads of State
"I enjoyed the play dates very much," she reported.
written by Gail Farrelly, 24 September 2008
Barack Obama Buys Two Muzzles
One for his dog and one for his running mate, Joe Biden.
written by Gail Farrelly, 24 September 2008
One Mississippi, Two Mississippi
The Mississippi state senate has overwhelmingly voted to change the state's slogan from 'Feels Like Coming Home' to 'Mississippi, We've Got 4 S's, 4 I's, An M and, A PP.'
written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 September 2008
ABCDEFG
Wheel of Fortune's Vanna White was having dinner at LA's trendy Cackling Hen Restaurant when she began choking on her alphabet soup. The maitre'd confirmed that it was two consonants and a vowel.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 September 2008
Please Pass The Salt
Morton Salt Company strike finally ends - workers are told to get back to the salt mine.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 September 2008
Gay Clay
Clay Aiken announces that he is gay. In other news, the Atlantic Ocean is wet, the Rocky Mountains are high, and Sarah Palin is a female.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 September 2008
United States For Sale Online
The United States Government today announced plans to sell the entire country on a popular internet classifieds site. The sale is said to include all property, living beings, and freedom.
written by Mark Garrison, 24 September 2008
Clay Aiken comes out of the closet
He says sex is a lot better in a bed
written by disciple, 24 September 2008
Oklahoma Judge With Smallest Penis on Judicial Record Disbarred!
In Prison for using a Penis Pump while presiding over his courtroom, Judge Don Thompson was also disbarred.Besides having his sex aide confiscated, he said he felt " totally diminished"
written by unknown
