Brand's defence
Russell Brand claims he was calling a sex line and not a Sachs line.
written by IN SEINE, 28 October 2008
Phillies Fans Rude
Phillies Fans Accuse Rays of Killing Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter
written by Kilroy, 28 October 2008
World Series Rained Out
Rays accused of summoning Odin to delay their imminent defeat.
written by Kilroy, 28 October 2008
Saw V Loses Weekend Box Office to High School Musical III
Entire "High School Musical" cast will be killed off in Saw VI. Film expected to break all records.
written by Kilroy, 28 October 2008
Jimmy Page spotted at tool shop
Led Zeppelin guitarist, Jimmy Page, was spotted at a Plant hire shop. Mr Page was said to be looking rather desperate.
written by IN SEINE, 28 October 2008
Artificial Heart now available
Scientists say they have a working prototype of a fully artificial heart that is now ready for implanting in humans. 98% of Members of Parliament are to receive them as they are vital requirements.
written by IN SEINE, 28 October 2008
Viagra Rears Its Ugly Head!
Viagra has once again been linked to eye problems. Doctors warn that if your partner suddenly begins to look like a smurf, get someone to immediately drive you to the hospital.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2008
Fish Suffer Insomnia
A five-year government study reveals that some fish suffer from insomnia even after trying to count shrimp. The group will now begin studying this Israeli/Palestinian thing.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2008
Hillary Missing
After disappearing from national view, it is now feared that Hillary Clinton has accidentally fallen into one of Bill's old underground tunnels surrounding their residence.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2008
Debate Controversy
John McCain has accused Barack Obama of giggling while he was speaking at their last debate. Meanwhile, Obama accused McCain of constantly whispering "Dumbo! Flap those ears!"
written by Bureau, 28 October 2008
Poor Sarah Palin
Lindsey Lohan and Paris Hilton condemned the GOP for purchasing Sarah Palin a $150,000 wardrobe. "Why the poor thing, having to wear off-the-rack like that, it has to be embarrassing", stated Lohan.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2008
Obama To Lower Taxes
FOX: Obama repeats that he will lower taxes on those taxpayers who are in the lower income brackets, mostly the ones who don't pay taxes.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2008
Paul Back On Tour
Paul McCartney has announced that he will begin his first major tour in three years with a brand new band. It will be called "The Alimony Tour".
written by Bureau, 28 October 2008
Wrong Part
Michelle Obama, mostly kept away from public eye because of indiscretions, reportedly confided to a close friend that the wrong part of Obama is white.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2008
Early Voting
Joe Biden urges Floridians to vote early. An elderly couple goes up to him and the man says, "The wife and I are getting up at 2 AM tomorrow morning...is that early enough for ya?"
written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 October 2008
Cindy McCain - The Queen of Budweiser
Joe the Plumber endorses John McCain. When asked if Cindy McCain hiring him as a beer truck driver at $37.50 an hour had anything to do with it, Joe said, "Hey that's why they call it politics, duh."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 October 2008
New Brand Unveiled by Ross
Jonathon Ross who already owns frozen food giant Ross Frozen Foods has unveiled a new brand of designer clothing for his friend, comedian(?), Russel Brand. It's called F**k.
written by IN SEINE, 28 October 2008
Hillary's 61st Birthday
Hillary Clinton was 61 yesterday. She celebrated at Barnes & Noble where she signed copies of her new book, "If I Had Became President, This Is What I Would Have Done".
written by Bureau, 28 October 2008
Halloween Parties
Tina Fey says she won't dress for Halloween as Sarah Palin because she can't afford the $150,000. Ironically, Palin plans to attend a DC party dressed as Tina Fey.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2008
Obama Land
Political campaign experts are reporting that Florida is leaning left. A Miami weather bureau offical predicts that if this trend continues Florida is liable to end up in Alabama.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 October 2008
McCain Recalls First Almanac
The 2009 Farmer's Almanac is out. John McCain stated that he fondly remembers their first amateur effort in 1792 because he was in Kentucky at the time, celebrating it's statehood.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2008
McCain Speech Affects Craig
John McCain said yesterday that, even though Obama is really big in the polls, that he will come from behind.
This excited Sen. Larry Craig so much that he immediately headed for the bathroom.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2008
Cheney's Secret Location
A White House leak has revealed the whereabouts of V.P. Dick Cheney's secret undisclosed location. It's in a deer stand in Utah.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2008
Illegal Use of Hands
For the first time in NFL history, an unnamed player for the San Francisco 49's was whistled for illegal use of hands while in the team huddle.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2008
Obama Clubbing Baby Seals
John McCain is claiming that Obama will say anything to win. Meanwhile Sarah Palin reported yesterday that she saw Obama and his entire family in Alaska last year, clubbing baby seals.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2008
Obama Leads Overseas
An overseas poll shows that Barack Obama is way ahead of John McCain in the opinions of other nations, almost 4-1. In fact, in France, he's only 20 points behind their favorite comedian, Jerry Lewis.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2008
Sesame Street Marriage
The San Francisco Chronicle has reported the same-sex marriage of popular T.V. entertainers, Burt and Ernie from Sesame Street, early this morning.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2008
Smegmadale Autumn Sales
Some great discount bargains on offer this week at the Smegmadale Poundland Emporium's Autumn sale, with 25% off most items including grey paint, inflatable tomcats, barbed wire and broken glass.
written by Rusty, 28 October 2008
She'll Certainly Make Some Man A Good Wife
A woman from Barcelona, Spain was awarded the International Macy's Award of Merit for proving that you CAN make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 October 2008
Is It Soup Yet?
A man became upset because his bowl of broth was spoiled. He asked the waiter how many cooks were in the kitchen and he replied 'six.'...a classic case of 'too many cooks spoil the broth.'
written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 October 2008
Did Bambi Have Helicopter Wounds?
A Hamburg, New York restaurant has been shut down by health inspectors because they found a dead deer in the kitchen. Police say that they have no plans to interrogate Sarah Palin at this time.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 October 2008
Mates, I've Made Up My Mind Already
A University of London student was evicted from one of the campus libraries for 'judging a book by its cover.'
written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 October 2008
Boxers or Briefs?
Construction workers in Puerto Rico are stealing tons of beach sand. Police say they have a lead because one of the culprits left behind a pair of size 44-XXXL briefs with 18 pounds of sand inside.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 October 2008
