Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live!
written by Jill The Shill, 20 October 2008
The National Enquirer, winning some respect lately as being first with an important political story, onloaded the news on an unsuspecting public this morning that Michael Jackson's sister is Black!
Fart Like A Horse
FDA Release: "Beer may be just as healthy for you as red or white wine, plus you'll fart like a horse!" roared a spokesman yesterday who apparently had just had one.
President Helping GOP Candidates
President Bush told reporters yesterday that he plans to continue supporting GOP candidates right up until election day by staying off-camera as much as possible.
FOX has signed Joe the Plumber to do a sitcom with the comedy series scheduled to appear soon, before everybody forgets who he is.
"Wimmins and Chenelmens Preeze Phasen Yor Sheat Bells"
A United Airlines pilot arrested and taken out of the cockpit on suspicion of being drunk. The pilot vehemently denied it, but the nude stripper that was sitting on his lap kind of gave him away.
Sing It Reba, But A Little Higher This Time
Country music singer Reba McEntire reveals that she was a 'man' in a previous life...okay so that explains why she forgot her wedding anniversary, her love for spitting, and her moustache.
Sir Paul McCartney's wax head left on train
When Businessman Joby Carter collected the model of the mop-topped sixties star to be auctioned on Sunday he lost it. He is now offering a reward of £2,000. Heather Mills is suspected of taking it.
How poisoning a river can kill off salmon virus
A parasite called Gyrodactylus Salaris (Gs) can kill off Salmon so scientists have planned to poison the river to kill off the Gs. The river will then be virus free but it will also be Salmon-free.
Bee Gees hit could save your life
US medics find the Bee Gees song, Stayin' Alive, provides an ideal beat to follow when performing CPR on a victim of a cardiac arrest. However, listening to the 'Smiths' can instantly kill you.
Life's a beach!
Jamaican Police have traced the theft of 400 metres of sand from Trelawney Beach to a local cement factory.
ACORN workers faked voter registrations, signed up people many times, & paid off registrants so they'd not be fired, canvassers told The N.Y. Post. "The whole outfit is nuts", stated an ex-employee.
Blackwell Tastefully Dead
Mr. Blackwell, the designer whose annual worst-dressed list skewered many celebrities, has died at 86. He will be buried in a Colorful Coffin seen recently at The Retirement Show in Manchester.
President George Bush and The Force
The Hasbro Toy Co., makers of Star Wars Toys announces third quarter profits of $138 million. President Bush plans to call them and ask them to please loan the US Treasury about $130 million.
The Crazy World of Insects
A one foot long Borneo stick bug was named 'The World's Biggest Stick Bug.' Unfortunately, an hour later, it was eaten by a Borneo spider that had been named 'The World's Biggest Spider.'
Tooth Fairy Dead
Family and friends, including Tinkerbell, have sadly reported the death of the Tooth Fairy assigned to the West Virginia area, who apparently died from exhaustion.
Are These Future Fox Reality Shows or What?
First there was 'Joe The Plumber.' Now Sarah Palin has introduced 'Ed The Dairyman.' Okay, so who's next, 'Hollie The Hooter's Girl'?
Obama To Powell: "You're Hired"
After receiving Colin Powell's endorsement, Sen. Obama said the former secretary of state could have a spot in his cabinet. Powell replied, "Hmmm, Vice President Powell does have a nice ring to it."
In Brazil, Vampire bats are attacking cattle and now there's been an incident in Georgia. A Jimmy Carter cow was seen biting another cow. As a precaution, Laura B had a stake driven through her heart.
On Your Mark, Get Set, Go!
Former Secretary of State Colin Powell endorses Obama. Powell states it's not about 'race.' Sarah Palin remarks "Just because Powell and Obama can 'out run' me they think they're better than me.
Made In Korea by Koreans
North Korea is set to make a big announcement. Inside sources say North Korea and South Korea will officially exchange names. North Korea says they want to drive the American mapmakers crazy.