Readin', Rritin', and, Rithmatic
Sarah Palin tells a campaign crowd that McCain will probably get 100% of the KKK vote. Joe Biden replies "Not unless the ballots have photos."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 October 2008
Se Habla English
John McCain spoke in East Los Angeles and said in broken Spanish, "My amigos, make me el presidente. I still recall when La Cindy and I were on food stamps, ole."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 October 2008
Shark found washed up on Beach
A shark, washed up on a beach near Livepool was surrounded by empty bottles of whisky and wearing an Armani suit. He was a 'loan shark' of course! He was believed to be a victim of the credit crunch.
written by IN SEINE, 14 October 2008
Pair of nickers found at Beckham Mansion
A couple, both housekeepers at David Beckham's Mansion have been accused of stealing various items and trying to sell them on ebay - including two of Victoria's size -4 dresses.
written by IN SEINE, 14 October 2008
Joe's Crab Shack Founder Gets Sex Change
Owner Joe Sandpants, announced the completion of his sex change operation today. Now known as Josephine, she would like her supporters to know that "Eat at Joe's" now carries two meanings.
written by P.M. Wortham, 14 October 2008
Fresh DNA Ties Clinton Back to Monica Lewinsky
After years of denial, a soiled pair of Lewinsky's panties did indeed show that former President Clinton left a deposit in Lewinsky's safety deposit box. No apparent penalty for early withdrawal.
written by P.M. Wortham, 14 October 2008
Mattell Sells Off Two Brands to Trojan Company
As the Trojan Condom Company expands into new markets, it will release 2 new product offerings based on brands purchased from Mattell. Coming Soon: "Rock'em Sock'em Rubbers" and "View Master 3D Porn"
written by P.M. Wortham, 14 October 2008
Palin to become President
Frighful News: Alaska Governor Sarah Palin will become President if McCain is elected and dies in office, according to top psychics, Doctors, Lawyers and everyone else.
written by NickFun, 14 October 2008
"Eskimos For Obama?"
Sarah Palin says that John McCain has locked up the NASCAR vote. Joe Biden smiles and says, "That's fine, Barack Obama has locked up the NBA vote, the NFL vote, and the Grambling Marching Band vote."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 October 2008
After Escargot Embargo
Food & Wine Magazine reports that restaurants in France, in order to lure back cost-cutting customers, are now offering snells on their Early Bird Specials.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2008
Trump Relieved
Doctors in New York City were able to give Donald Trump some good news this morning. That noise he's been hearing in his head turned out to be a couple of 17-year locusts hid under his hairpiece.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2008
Welcome To Mickey D's
A McDonald's customer tried to pay for his food with marijuana. The manager refused saying "We have to stop this now or next people will want to pay for Big Macs with cocaine, heroin, or viagra."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 October 2008
Michael 'PMS' Jackson
Janet Jackson cancels more concerts. Brother Michael offers to perform in her place. He says, "I know the words to her songs, I look like her, and I can fit into all of her clothes."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 October 2008
"You Want Fries With That?"
Due to the sagging economy a lot of people are not going out to eat as much. McDonald's has just announced that it's changing the name of 'The Happy Meal' to 'The Not-So-Happy Meal.'
written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 October 2008
Amazon Cargo Boat Tragedy
A cargo boat sank in the Amazon river today. Known to be infested with Piranah fish. There were no survivors.
"However a skeleton crew were left." authorities said.
written by IN SEINE, 14 October 2008
"Old Joe" Lost In Cave-In
Workers at a coal mine say they hated to lose "Old Joe" who was lost in a cave-in Friday. "But at least that '211 Days Without An Accident' pressure is off, stated one of Joe's co-workers.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2008
Federal Government To Bailout Uncle Fred
The Federal Government has agreed to buy massive amounts of short-term debt. So tell your Uncle Abner to check with the Fed about that 50 bucks you borrowed two weeks ago.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2008
Midget Mugs Early Santa
Some mall Santas are already showing up to help economy. One in Pittsburgh was overheard yesterday, "Yes, midget with the knife dressed as kid WILL be receiving Santa's billfold for Christmas. Here."
written by Bureau, 14 October 2008
Nigeria Bails Out Stock Market
The Stock Market recorded a major jump yesterday. Many credited the Nigerians promising that they had plenty of money stored there to lend, and all they needed was 10 percent up front for paperwork.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2008
G-7 To Lighten Up
G-7 leaders recommend western countries lighten up a little.
Go home with a smile. Tell some jokes. Pull a few fingers. Light a few farts. Economy will improve along with the laughter.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2008
Britney, Paris, Lindsey Caught
A cameraman for the National Exploiter got the shot of his lifetime when he accidentally caught Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Lindsey Lohan Rehab-Hopping together Monday.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2008
Food Ban for Wales looms
First, the Marmite was too salty; the tomato ketchup was too sweet; now sugar has been banned from Welsh schools. "It's just a matter of time before a total food ban is implemented." says Rhys Jones.
written by IN SEINE, 14 October 2008
New Torture Technique Working
VP Cheney told reporters Monday that the process called waterboarding has been discontinued and been replaced by interrogators constant "Pete & Repeat are in a boat, Pete fell out, who did it leave?"
written by Bureau, 14 October 2008
Al Gore Chipped
Former VP Al Gore, winner of a Nobel Prize and an Oscar for his film, "An Inconvenient Truth", was injured at Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum when someone tried to cut a piece off his arm for a souvenir.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2008
Dangerous Pests?
Matt Shardlow, director of Buglife, says; "..In the UK, we have a laissez-faire attitude - there is an open licence for people to bring in dangerous pests." ...including England football managers.
written by IN SEINE, 14 October 2008
Golfer gets 'Hole in One
St. Andrew's, Scotland: A 34 year-old man was getting changed before going on course today. While putting on his tartan socks he discovered he had a hole in one.
written by IN SEINE, 14 October 2008
UK Police Launch Alternative to 999 Calls
Police hope the new number - 10-10-10 - will make it easier for the public to contact them in emergency situations and reduce the number of inappropriate 999 calls.
written by Rusty, 14 October 2008
David Blaine to be Reborn
Street Magic star David Blaine today signed a deal to perform his latest endurance feat, Reborn, by being enclosed in a giant condom and stuck up Jade Goody's pussy for a month.
written by Rusty, 14 October 2008
