SEC Fixes Public Relation Problem
The Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) has changed its abbreviation to $SEC to help football fans differentiate between the commission and the Southeastern Conference (SEC).
written by Wesley, 11 October 2008
This Lady Should Have Definitely Read The Instructions
An inebriated Florida woman has been arrested for pouring hot, scalding water on her husband's groin. The police are not buying her story that she was only trying to make him some tea.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 October 2008
On Our Return Trip, We're Flying Southwest!
One of the strongest earthquakes to ever hit the British Virgin Islands registered a 6.1 on the Richter Scale. Luckily no one was hurt, but 16 virgins ended up in Arkansas.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 October 2008
Lewis Hamilton takes pole in Japan
Britain's F1 ace, Lewis Hamilton has taken a Pole out for an evening meal in Tokyo before Sunday's Grand Prix. The Pole, Anna Cracowlav, 22, from Warsaw, enjoyed her meal of sushi and noodles.
written by IN SEINE, 11 October 2008
Golden Gun Stolen
A gun, worth £80,000 was stolen from studios in Hertfordshire. The golden gun was last used in the 1974 Bond movie, The Man With The Golden Gun. Police suspect a man with 3 nipples stole it.
written by IN SEINE, 11 October 2008
Chinese Chemical Cow
After finding high levels of an industrial chemical in sweets and biscuits made with Chinese dairy products, France has recalled them. Health officials suspect the Chinese cows to be high on coke.
written by IN SEINE, 11 October 2008
French recall Chinese food
France declared war on China by recalling sweets and biscuits made with Chinese dairy products after finding traces of industrial chemicals. China retaliated by banning the sale of snails and garlic
written by IN SEINE, 11 October 2008
Oprah raises more money for Obama:
Oprah denies rumors that she will be given "carte blanche" at the White House, once Obama is elected. Could White house appointment be in the works? PR agent denies such rumors.
written by Leslie Mintz , 11 October 2008
Donor definitely not Scottish
A mystery 'moneybags' has handed out £10,000 to good causes in a Moray town. However, psychologists, and shopkeepers agree that the donor is definitely not Scottish. That narrows it down a bit!
written by IN SEINE, 11 October 2008
NASCAR gets panties in a bunch
NASCAR teams threaten boycott of their sport next season due to Jockey Underware outbidding for overall season sponsorship. Spokesperson Jeff Gordon: "I can't imagine racing to be the Jock-Cup Champ"
written by JJ Jogolo, 11 October 2008
New Smoking Ban
Washington DC and the state of New York have each passed a bill to outlaw smoking while on the telephone. This, after several CIA agents have been diagnosed with ear cancer.
written by Bureau, 11 October 2008
Zoo Poo Flew
Mime's invisible cube set in front of the zoo, fails to protect him from hurled orangutan poo!
written by Bureau, 11 October 2008
Taipei Times Report
The Taipei Times reports that their leading scientists believe that China is purposely contributing to global warming in order to sink their island nation.
written by Bureau, 11 October 2008
Passengers on UK Bus 558 Take Up Collection for Missing Writer and good Samaritan!
.... see story of UK writer beaten to death by disgruntled Indian Waiter during Australian Travels.
written by unknown
National Association of Police Chiefs Offer Wall Street Brokers Free Pass!
In a nationwide memo, the organization urged all stockbrokers to" go out, relax,have a few drinks. Don't forget to drive in the "Suicide Lane!"
written by unknown
Member of Bush Administration has major problem with bail out plan
Vice President Cheney upset that no money is earmarked for Halliburton.
written by unknown
Dinner - The 'D' Word
Jerome Corsi, author of the anti-Obama book, 'Obama Nation' was kicked out of Kenya because of his anti-Obama rants...Wow! The man is damn lucky that they didn't put him in a pot and cook him!
written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 October 2008
Did You Leave Room For Desert?
Sen. McCain slams Obama's 'Jell-O' tax plans. He says, "My voting record clearly shows that I have always voted against taxing deserts...and my friends, especially 'Jell-O.'"
written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 October 2008
Satisfaction Guaranteed or Your Money Back
The Federal Election Commission released how much each political candidate has raised:
Obama - $272 million
Clinton - $221 million
McCain - $100 million
Nader - (9 dollars)
written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 October 2008
Totally Tarantino (But not really)
FBI Agents should be treated like mushrooms. Fed on Shit and kept in the dark. Hell Yeah!
written by AnonymousAlien, 11 October 2008
Internet survey wants to know which Harry Potter teen star you think will be the most successful in their acting career
The majority says that, unless Emma Watson chooses to perform nude, it will probably still be Alan Rickman and Maggie Smith.
written by unknown
Obama and McCain agree to swap Vice Presidential Candidates for Hollywood election theme
The election will now be "Grumpy Old Men" versus "The Young and the Restless."
written by unknown
Michelle Obama earmarks famous Chicago Cook for White House
Michelle and Barak, have picked Leon of "Leon's Ribs" in Chicago, to be their master chef in the White House. " No more expensive dinners" said Obama. Ribs,Chicken, and Collard Greens are in.
written by Leslie Mintz , 11 October 2008
Sarah Palin denies being Pole Dancer in college
Palin comes out swinging: "Most young women work while they are going to College to defray costs. I was not a Pole Dancer per se. Free form exhibitionism is an art form to which I excelled in".
written by Leslie Mintz , 11 October 2008
Muslim Riots at Presidential Poling Places Cause Chaos!
Illegal, militant Muslims are refusing leave the Polls until foot baths are installed in voting booths. Americans agree, but say THEY need to wash their hands after "feeling dirty on shitty choices".
written by unknown
Today's Special: O Oh Stew
Antoin 'Tony' Rezko, an Obama fundraiser convicted of fraud has spilled the beans on political corruption. Obama aides however are hopeful that the rice will stay on the plate.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 October 2008
#930192, #374205, & #400670
The US removes North Korea from its blacklist of terrorists. Next Charles Manson, Sirhan Sirhan, and Mark David Chapman will be released because they're tired of being in prison.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 October 2008
Bow-Wow and Meow-Meow
Stocks fluctuate as worries dog investors. And the cat people aren't exactly whistling Dixie either.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 October 2008
How About A Piece of Cake?
Connecticut joins Massachusetts and California as states that allow same-sex marriages. Gov. Palin says since the decision is based on the amount of letters, she's changing the name Alaska to Ask.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 October 2008
Sort of Like The ZZ Top Song
Bull vs. Bear Market looking for bottom. Hugh Hefner replies, "What a coincidence, so am I."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 October 2008
Zero To 60 In 1.2 Seconds!
Auto giants Chrysler and General Motors are considering a merger. The tentative name for the new automobile company is The New and Better Toyota Car Company
written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 October 2008
Two Blonde Drivers
The Pentagon is confident that a dangerous hydrazine-laden satellite was destroyed by a missile. Several witnesses however do report seeing both Britney Spears and Heather Locklear in the area.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 October 2008
One Size Fits All
US credit freeze finds small cracks...no problem petite women say they'll just wear bigger underwear.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 October 2008
SUV turns heads
Police in Idaho today located a large brown SUV parked by the side of the road. "It was very nice" one officer was heard to say. "I liked it a lot" said the other trooper.
written by whatinthe world, 11 October 2008
Indian Waiters Kill "Arrogant" UK Writer in Australia! Ends "on the bus this morning" travelogue!
Indian waiters in the Goa region reacted violently, ganging up and beating to death the UK tourist during his final meal. Staff said he was "rude" and refused to curry favour amongst stinking servers.
written by unknown
Police Clear Wall Street
New York City Police once again had to clear a large crowd out from around Wall Street Friday, chanting "Jump You Suckers! Jump!"
written by Bureau, 11 October 2008
Guy In Woman's Bathroom
A man arrested for the third time for walking into the women's bathroom in a mall in Toledo, Ohio is still claiming to have Alheimzers Disease. He has been released once again on his own recognizance.
written by Bureau, 11 October 2008
Widespread Panic!
Widespread panic is being reported all around the world as several more large banks go belly-up and the Doomsday Clock suddenly cuckoos!
written by Bureau, 11 October 2008
Tournament Next Weekend
If you're located in the Northeast U.S. you might want to catch the upcoming festival, "Ye Aude Limerick Days" in Nantucket next weekend.
written by Bureau, 11 October 2008
Weathermen Group More Dangerous
1960's radical Bill Ayers, recently linked to Obama, claims his Weatherman group is more powerful than ever. "All we do is draw a little squiggly mark on a map and a hurricane wipes out a whole city."
written by Bureau, 11 October 2008
"Mad Dod" Explains
Joe "Mad Dog" Rubino of NYC blames the recent price jump in protection money on the rising price of gasoline.
written by Bureau, 11 October 2008
PeeWee Marries
Taking advantage of the new law in California, PeeWee Herman has married "Thing" off the old Addams Family Show, where he had played himself.
written by Bureau, 11 October 2008
Sandbagging
Barack Obama told a huge audience in Knoxville, Tennessee that if he is elected President, he intends to name Al Gore as the new Secretary of Sandbagging the Coastlands.
written by Bureau, 11 October 2008
Old Indiana Jones
Police in Chicago report that they had found old Indiana Jones wandering aimlessly around town and had put him in the squad car and took him back to Indianapolis.
written by Bureau, 11 October 2008
"I'm The Alaskan Governor, and I've Got You-Know-Whats!"
An Alaskan panel just ruled that Gov. Palin unlawfully abused her power when she tried to have her brother-in-law fired. McCain replied, "Oh shit my friends, oh shit my friends, oh..."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 October 2008
