ASAP
Gen. David McKiernan, top US commander in Afghanistan told President Bush that he needs more troops ASAP. Bush grinned and said, "Sounds good to me, but just what exactly do the letters ASAP mean?"
written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 October 2008
Bush says "What?!"
Somalia gives the world permission to use force against the pirates holding one of her ships. When Bush heard that he started salivating so bad he slipped on his own spit and cracked a rib.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 October 2008
Republican Seance Fails
A White House seance Tuesday night fails to reach Ronald Reagan's Spirit after the Spirit of John Wayne blows Indian Spirit Guide off horse with one shot.
written by Bureau, 01 October 2008
European Satellite Lost
Giove-B, a satellite that is part of the Gallileo network of GPS has had to close down. European space agency experts have claimed it got lost after it failed to turn right at the big cloud.
written by IN SEINE, 01 October 2008
Korean Museum of Fakes
Mr Yu, an 86 year-old, who owns a South Korean Museum of fakes has been charged with selling fake tickets.
written by IN SEINE, 01 October 2008
Disease Traced To Source
Study shows that many of today's drug-resistant social diseases can be traced back to The Black Ho of Calcutta.
written by Bureau, 01 October 2008
Players May Go Pro
In sports, several college basketball players say they may leave college early to play in the NBA, despite the pay cuts.
written by Bureau, 01 October 2008
Missing TV Remote
An obese Manchester man has cleared his refrigerator door of some of his grandchildren's artwork to place a post-it. "Memo to self, if TV remote is missing again, always check your ass-crack".
written by Bureau, 01 October 2008
Scientists To Wed
Scientist Ray Borden and Paleontologist Professor Jean Adkins say they fell in love through carbon dating. "Raymond
knows some wonderful biochemical techniques", stated Adkins.
written by Bureau, 01 October 2008
Theater Mix-Up In Atlanta
A theater in Atlanta has temperarily closed after someone mixed the films and the kiddies were shown "The Hills Have Eyes III". It will reopen as soon as seats are recovered and the place aired out.
written by Bureau, 01 October 2008
Latest On Debate
Word on the street in Washington is that during the Vice Presidential Debate Thursday night, Sarah Palin will "Plead the Fifth".
written by Bureau, 01 October 2008
Oprah Bailout?
Oprah offered yesterday to furnish the money for the bailout under two conditions: Barack Obama immediately given a two-term presidency and George Bush to appear on her show and cackle like a chicken.
written by Bureau, 01 October 2008
VP Debate
John McCain was asked yesterday if Sarah Palin is at his house in Arizona getting ready for Thursday's debate with Joe Biden. In response, McCain replied "What's Joe Biden doing over at my house?"
written by Bureau, 01 October 2008
Mucho Money
Regarding the proposed $700 billion financial bailout. A lot of people are wondering just how much $700 billion actually is...well it's a 7 with 11 zeroes behind it.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 October 2008
The Space Capsule Stardust
The Stardust space capsule has just returned to Earth with comet samples. Scientist are confident that on its next voyage it will return with ajax samples.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 October 2008
Gore Upset
Former VP Al Gore, totally pissed over The Farmer's Almanac predicting the coldest winter in over 100 years.
written by Bureau, 01 October 2008
The Polls Are On The Move
Barack Obama has pulled ahead of John McCain in Ohio, Florida, and Pennsylvania. Polls also indicate that Obama is way ahead in Kenya, where he has 93%, McCain has 4%, and Beyonce has 3%.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 October 2008
Secure Banks
Presidential candidates Obama and McCain say that US banks need to become more financially secure. So every bank in America will be hiring an extra five well-paid security guards.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 October 2008
Secret Meetings In 2002
Report: Colin Powell, John Ashcroft, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld apparently discussed torture techniques at length in 2002, then took some Viagra and rushed home.
written by Bureau, 01 October 2008
Big Send-Off
In Reno, Nevada, a heart attack victim who was carefully nursed back to health and sent home with a hearty slap on the back, immediately dropped dead from a loosened stint.
written by Bureau, 01 October 2008
Wildly Swinging Rep. Barney Frank Warns Others in Foursome!
Teeing off with four friends at local swingers club, the Democratic Congressman suddenly yelled "FOREskin!", when his penis inadvertently darted out of bounds.He happily swallowed a 2 stoke penalty
written by unknown
How About Cincinnati?
Presidential voting to begin in Pivotal Ohio...you'd think that it would have been Cleveland, Cincinnati, Akron, Toledo, or Dayton instead.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 October 2008
Janet Jackson Leaves Hospital
Janet Jackson released from the hospital. No reason given as to why she was in the hospital, but a hospital spokesperson said that they have definitely ruled out wardrobe malfunction.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 October 2008
Longfellows?
I'm a poet, if you didn't know it, but my feet show it, 'cause they's l o n g f e l l o w s!
written by Gulo_Gulo, 01 October 2008
