Rude Doctors Breed Bad Health, Says Surgeon

Written by Ellis Ian Fields

Tuesday, 19 July 2011

image for Rude Doctors Breed Bad Health, Says Surgeon
Mr Splunt.

Polite doctors produce healthier patients, studies of staff behaviour in hospitals have found.

Andrew Klein, an American liver surgeon, writing in the Archives of Surgery, said doctors who were rude to staff negatively affected operations.

"Well f**k me sideways - what clever c**t!" Said Mr Gisrael Splunt, head of surgery at the Marjorie Snaggit Ankle, Knee and Toe Hospital, Preston.

"If I'm nice to the bleeders in the operating theatre, the operation might work better! It's not a f*****g popularity contest, you know. We're trying to save lives."

Mr Splunt was the centre of controversy last year over an operation to remove an ingrowing toenail. On that occasion two nurses and the anaesthetist left the theatre in tears following the surgeon's alleged comments about the size of their busts and backsides.

"That case was thrown out," Mr Splunt added. "But come on - two of them had chests like aspirins on an ironing board and I'm surprised the other could get through the theatre door with that arse!

"I offered to do a reduction for her, but she wasn't interested."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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