Fruit and Vegetable sex toys

Written by IainB

Friday, 4 February 2011

Hey!

The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Fruit and Vegetable sex toys
Parsnips came in at number five

A recent survey carried out by Girl Play magazine has revealed a liking of fruit and vegetables as sex toys among sexually active and adventurous women.

"The most popular vegetable was the carrot," said magazine editor, Andrea Fuller. "Women reported that a good sized carrot, preferably with a rounded end, is a great sex toy. According to the women who took part in our survey, the carrot has all the qualities of a dildo."

Many thought that the banana may have come in the list, despite being officially classified as a herb, however it was dismissed out of hand. "Generally, it goes too mushy too quickly," said Fuller.

The most surprising entry in the list was the kiwi fruit. "Very unripe kiwi fruit are the most ideal," said Fuller. "I'm trying it out right now. Believe me, it's great. The little hairs are fantastic."

Coming high up on the list were courgettes, new potatoes, parsnips and conference pears. "It has to be conference pears," said Fuller. "If you go for a Bartlett or Comice, it can be uncomfortable instead of pleasurable. I'd say these pears are for the advanced fruit and veg sex toy aficionado."

Over a hundred women took part in the survey for the magazine, many stating that they would spend longer selecting carrots that were a better shape for pleasure than eating, and quite often checking out the rest of the fruit and vegetables in the store weighing up if they were ready for a pineapple yet, or should stick to the thinner veg.

"Having tried some of the suggestions out," said Fuller, "I can strongly recommend it as a way of getting at least one of your five a day."

The advantage of using fruit and vegetables as sex toys is that once they have been used, they can then be used as part of a healthy meal.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics



Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more