Fruit and Vegetable sex toys

Funny story written by IainB

Friday, 4 February 2011


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Parsnips came in at number five

A recent survey carried out by Girl Play magazine has revealed a liking of fruit and vegetables as sex toys among sexually active and adventurous women.

"The most popular vegetable was the carrot," said magazine editor, Andrea Fuller. "Women reported that a good sized carrot, preferably with a rounded end, is a great sex toy. According to the women who took part in our survey, the carrot has all the qualities of a dildo."

Many thought that the banana may have come in the list, despite being officially classified as a herb, however it was dismissed out of hand. "Generally, it goes too mushy too quickly," said Fuller.

The most surprising entry in the list was the kiwi fruit. "Very unripe kiwi fruit are the most ideal," said Fuller. "I'm trying it out right now. Believe me, it's great. The little hairs are fantastic."

Coming high up on the list were courgettes, new potatoes, parsnips and conference pears. "It has to be conference pears," said Fuller. "If you go for a Bartlett or Comice, it can be uncomfortable instead of pleasurable. I'd say these pears are for the advanced fruit and veg sex toy aficionado."

Over a hundred women took part in the survey for the magazine, many stating that they would spend longer selecting carrots that were a better shape for pleasure than eating, and quite often checking out the rest of the fruit and vegetables in the store weighing up if they were ready for a pineapple yet, or should stick to the thinner veg.

"Having tried some of the suggestions out," said Fuller, "I can strongly recommend it as a way of getting at least one of your five a day."

The advantage of using fruit and vegetables as sex toys is that once they have been used, they can then be used as part of a healthy meal.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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