Astronomer catches S.E.X. on tape!

Written by Hawking's Chair

Saturday, 27 November 2010


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image for Astronomer catches S.E.X. on tape!
Dr. Peeper at his Lunar VOYEUR Observatory

In what may be called an 'arousing' revelation of a dark secret of the deep space, an astronomer has caught S.E.X. on tape.

S.E.X., which stands for Sudden Emission of X-rays had been an hot issue for a very long time. The existence of cosmic SEX was suggested by scientists such as Zweistein and others many years ago but in the absence of hard evidence these suggestions were rejected by mainstream physicists as 'frigid' or 'limp' theories.

Now, an astronomer has shown that cosmic SEX exists. "The S.E.X. is very much there in the deep space," says Astronomer Dr. Thomas Peeper. He and his team has recorded several episodes of S.E.X. using the VOYEUR Telescope (the Valley of Yankee's Extremely Ugly Radio Telescope) from their base on the Moon.

During a video link from his Moon base, Dr. Peeper explained his discovery. He said only a rare type of binary neutron stars are known to perform S.E.X.. Neutron binaries are rare: About 5% of all neutron stars are estimated to have a partner of some kind, either a white dwarf, another neutron star or a black hole. Dr. Peeper and his team estimate that less than 0.1 percent of all neutron binaries exhibit oscillating poles which cause their bizzare ejacta of radiation. "We call them PORN stars," Dr. Peeper chuckled. "That's pole-oscillating radiative neutron stars. They undergo this episodic activity once every few nights, during which time their poles vibrate or oscillate, and their radiative emission rises suddenly, going from low intensity to high intensity radiation in the X-ray spectrum, and lasting from a few minutes to a few hours."

A few of the PORN star may attain what Dr. Peeper calls ORGIES, which stands for Oscillating Radiations in Gamma and Infra-red at End Stage. "The ORGIES are the final bursts of both low energy infra-red radiation and very high energy gamma rays. This is the end stage for a small number of PORN stars." At the end of the ORGIES, says Dr. Peeper, a star ejects a small white mass, after which the star's poles stabilize. It then reverts to its usual self. How the poles return back to oscillation once they have stabilized is a mystery that Dr. Peeper is trying to solve. "We suspect that stars which undergo ORGIES may have a black hole as a companion. A rotating black hole is likely to lure the PORN star back into another bout of SEX."

Dr. Peeper and his team are feverishly scouring the skies to find more SEX and ORGIES. "We are particularly interested in the ORGIES," he said. "I believe this will shed more light on the behaviour of black holes." As they dissipate, stallar mass black holes are suspected to produce seeds for new star formation.

"This is all so very exciting!" Dr. Peeper ejaculates.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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