A UK housewife, described by neighbours as being 'sexually frustrated' today related how she was driven into a sexual frenzy of wanton perverted lust when she was 'taken every which way and then some' by a well endowed burglar.
In broad daylight.
In a disturbing episode captured in HD close up by hidden cameras, the housewife, who insisted on anonymity but who lives at Number 12 Hysteria Lane, Darwen, Lancashire, informed reporters from Skoob News that she started her day as usual, by taking a shower and then reclining in the nude on a king size bed watching a DVD and relaxing with a butt plug and a vibrator.
She then informed reporters from her well appointed sitting room that she then dressed up in erotic lingerie and went downstairs to feed the cat.
Wearing a basque, a garter belt, stockings and stiletto heels.
Sucking on a lollipop.
At which point the intruder turned up, in broad daylight, attempting to open the French windows with a crowbar.
Mrs Dolores Dampcrotch takes up the story:
"I was terrified," she said. "I thought he was going to break the doorframe, so I opened it up and asked him what the blinking heck he thought he was playing at. He rushed past me into the house. I was petrified."
Mrs Dampcrotch then went on to describe how she was subjected to a prolonged sexual ordeal by a burglar whom she referred to as 'Brian' - which coincidentally is her husband's name.
When pressed on the subject, Dolores declined to comment further, other than describing her ordeal as 'horrific and most terribly degrading.'
She did however offer to sell reporters an exclusive DVD of the incident for £9.99 inc vat in a special presentation box.
Skoob News's reporter gracefully declined the offer, made his excuses and left.
Only to be confronted at the front gate by next door neighbour, Mr Thomas Plate, who told us:
"I knew there was something funny going on next door when I saw Brian - that's Dolores's husband - in his back garden wearing a stripy jumper and a balaclava, carrying a big black bag with 'SWAG' printed on it with a silver candelabra poking out of the top, fannying about with a crowbar. They're a weird couple, them two."
The incident has not been reported to the police, but anyone interested in viewing exclusive footage of the appalling incident should log on to www.doloresandbrianshomemovies.con and have their credit/debit card details to hand.
More as we get it.
