Star Trek Fans Institutionalize their Own Church

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Tuesday, 26 October 2010

image for Star Trek Fans Institutionalize their Own Church
Across the gallaxy and landing in California.

Completing their registration and private corporation tax forms with the federal government, The Church of James T. Kirk and Latter Day Trekkers was officially formed yesterday, and is based in Inglewood, California.

Thousands of late forties and mid fifties fans in full over-stretched yeoman costumes were on hand to celebrate the event and take the Star Fleet pledge, now a lasting part of a church participants commitment. The new Trek spiritual leader who had his name legally changed to Scotty Sulu, welcomed his new flock to the church, led them in prayer and closed with "Live Long and Prosper" instead of the traditional "Amen".

Church doctrine will apparently be based on key themes and phrases from the original Star Trek series and designed to help parishioners feel better about themselves, given that every parishioner tends to suffer from self-esteem problems. Included in the middle of a weekly gathering (they didn't feel right about calling it a Mass), parishioners call out with a bad Scottish accent, "I just can't do it Captain", where the leader of the congregation stands up from his replica Enterprise bridge chair, in full Captain's uniform to answer, "Yes you can, damn it. You can do it, just make it happen Scotty!"

"It's quite powerful actually", says Scotty Sulu, "The messages are all positive and our new parishioners feel very comfortable coming here, and there is also much to study." Sulu points to a draft copy of the church's new "Articles", he was hesitant to call it a Bible though it was broken down into several "Books" according to a Latter Day Trek leader. Included is the Book of Spock, The Book of Jean Luc Piccard, and the Book of Kathryn Janeway.

Weekly "Gatherings" include a ceremonial sacrifice of an unnamed yeoman (no one is actually hurt during the ceremony), readings from The Book of Articles, and a reaffirmation of the Prime Directive. Parishioners also wear a mustard colored Polyester wrist band with the embroidered letters, W.W.J.T.K.D.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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