O'Donnell: "No More Separation of Church & Steak!"

Funny story written by b kenneth mcgee

Monday, 25 October 2010

It was billed as a major policy statement by the Republican candidate for the US Senate in Delaware, Christine O'Donnell. Several thousands of her supporters were there as well as the national media. Ms. O'Donnell took the stage with a resolute look and a firm stance. "I am here today," she said, "to declare that I am totally and unequivocally against the separation of church and steak!"

The crowd of supporters burst into applause and gave her a standing ovation as members of the media looked at each other with puzzled looks on their faces. One journalist turned to another and said,

"Did I hear that right?"

"Uh-huh," the other said.

"You're kidding me?," the first journalist said.

"Nope," the second journalist said.

"Un-fucking believable" the first journalist responded.

Ms. O'Donnell continued, "It is time to take this country back! Church and steak are as much part of our being as mom and apple pie. Steak is our way of saying, everything is OK. We eat steak at church suppers, community gatherings, and holy days. For too long we have let the tree huggers, tofu eaters, vegetarians, and animal lovers dictate our national conscience. That is over!" The crowd screamed with delight.

"From now on, we eat steak at home, at church, while we pray, or wherever we want. And if you want to shoot your family pets from airplanes, drown the kittens in the bathtub, or flush the goldfish down the toilet bowl, you are as American as anyone that ever lived!" O'Donnell smiled broadly and concluded, "Now go forth, live your lives, and for those that criticize you and vilify you for your beliefs, I say as one of my forbearers once said: Drive a steak in their hearts! From this day forward, NO MORE SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STEAK!"

The crowd went wild as the band struck up the song, "I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy."

"Un-fucking believable," the first journalist said.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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